I recently met an intellectual property attorney (patents and copyright) at a fund raiser for a book festival. We started talking – she’s writing for kids, too – and I told her about the blog and the questions that sometimes arise about copyright, and she offered to write a guest post, so that’s coming up in the next few weeks.
Now for today’s post. On January 26, 2013, Anna Marie wrote, I let a very close friend of mine read a story I wrote and she has recently gotten back to me. One of the things she mentioned was character development, she says I could go a little deeper. I totally agree, but I’m not sure how to effectively and smoothly go about adding deeper details about my characters. The story is in first person present tense, and it switches between two different characters. I’ve tried to tell the story in easier ways (3rd person, 1st person past only one character, etc.) but I keep coming back to the way I’ve got it. Very much like your story EVER which I hadn’t read when I first started but have read since (I must say, it’s pretty awesome). Can you give me any help? It’d be much appreciated.
The problem is with my other characters, my friend said that my MCs came to life very well, but that the others were still just words on a page. My story is a flip off Robin Hood, my MCs a female Robin and a boy who joins the band. The story jumps between their points of view. My trouble is in working character descriptions into the story through them. If that makes any sense whatsoever…
One of my favorite moments in Ella Enchanted, which is told in first-person, past tense, comes when Ella, Hattie, and Olive are in a carriage chased by ogres, and Hattie shrieks, “Eat me last!” If she were in the book for only that moment (she’s not), the reader would still know her: selfish, self-centered, self-involved, self-important, self, self, self.
One trick is to give your minor characters the opportunity to express themselves. Ella could be so frozen with terror in the carriage that she’s oblivious to what’s around her. Instead, she’s scared but she’s thinking about a way to save herself, and the one she comes up with requires the help of her stepsisters. Thus she gives both Hattie and Olive the chance to be their horrible selves.
Another trick, which I think is critical, is to make your MCs observant. If you’ve got an MC who isn’t (that’s fine), you may need to write in the third person – or your reader is going to miss a lot.
Elodie in A Tale of Two Castles and Stolen Magic has to be observant for her job as assistant to a detective dragon. Plus, she’s an actor, and acting calls for observational skills. Addie in The Two Princesses of Bamarre is fearful, and fear calls for heightened alertness. When she goes off to save her sister, her survival depends on her observations.
Power relationships affect the observations of people, and this works for characters, too. We watch those who have power over us the most closely. Teachers and bosses are the victims of this hyper-vigilance. If a teacher, for example, habitually adjusts her bra strap, or if he rubs his nose, or she pulls her ear, pupils notice. They notice everything. If they don’t like the teacher, oy!, these mannerisms become the butt of jokes.
In the Robin Hood story, the boy who joins the band, let’s call him Thomas, may be low in the hierarchy. Say he wants to be accepted, so he pays sharp attention to everybody. If a chapter is told from his POV, he’s going to think about who says what, how it’s said, how the others behave, how they relate to Robin, and his thoughts are going to show up on the page.
The first three out of these five tools of character development – dialogue, action, appearance, feelings, and thoughts – are available for non-POV characters. Suppose the band is walking through Sherwood Forest and we’re in Robin’s POV. She notices that Simon is stepping carelessly as usual and Jack is falling behind. She wonders if Jack’s fever is back. She sees that Melanie’s lips are pursed, which means she’s whistling in her head. These are actions that reveal character, filtered through Robin’s perspective.
Dialogue next. Let’s take careless Simon. The band reaches the safety of their hideout. Robin says, “Simon, if the sheriff had been within a mile of us, he’d have heard us and we’d be trussed up and on our way to the dungeons.”
What Simon says is an opportunity to reveal him. Here are some possibilities, but there are a million more:
“You’re dreaming. I was as quiet as a clam.”
“Your whipping boy at your service. Who would you pick on if you didn’t have me?”
“Sorry, chief! I didn’t mean to.”
“I’ll get it. You’ll be proud of me next time.”
“I can’t keep my mind on my feet. I try. You know I try, don’t you?”
If I were Robin, I’d probably find the last one the most annoying.
More action: Is Simon meeting Robin’s eyes? Is he blushing? Folding his arms across his chest? Tapping one foot? Each is an opening into his character.
Onto appearance. Let’s move into Thomas’s POV, because a character who’s new will have the freshest perspective on everybody else. He’s in the hide-out for the first time and seeing the band at their leisure. Maybe he’s thinking, What am I getting into? This is the legendary band that gives the sheriff apoplexy if even its name is mentioned? Simon is so knock-kneed it’s a wonder he can walk at all. Jack looks like the first strong breeze will blow him away. And I don’t like how caved-in his cheeks are. The band may be short one merry man by next week. I don’t see what the sheriff doesn’t like about Melanie. A smile permanently glimmers in the corner of her mouth. Nothing menacing about such a round, jolly face.
The POV characters can speculate about the thoughts and feelings of the secondary characters, too. If Robin knows that Simon is sensitive, she can think about his easily hurt feelings and couch her criticism in a way that doesn’t distress him – or that does. And characters can say how they feel and what they think. Not as direct a source as actually being in the head and heart of a POV character, but useful.
If you think about these tools, you’ll find yourself building them in, and your secondary characters will put on depth and weight.
Three prompts:
• Maid Marian is being held in the sheriff’s jail. The band that I’ve described needs to get a message to her without being discovered. Write the scene from Thomas’s POV. You can make them succeed or fail.
• Write the christening scene in “Sleeping Beauty” from the POV of one of the fairies. Use her narration to reveal the characters of the king and queen and at least two other fairies. Everyone is trying to keep the evil fairy from doing her worst.
• The next time you go to the supermarket or any big store, watch everyone you see. Notice how they reveal themselves and think what you would do with them if you put them in a story. When you get home, imagine some crisis in the store, whatever you like. Maybe there’s a large rat or a thief, or the power suddenly goes out. It’s night, and it’s suddenly dark outside and in and the power doors won’t open. Or somebody has a heart attack. You pick. Write a story.
Have fun, and save what you write!
Elsabet says:
Ooh, this one's pretty good, though, sadly, I have very few problems with secondary characters, they come easily. It's the MCs that give me trouble. So much harder to work with. Mrs. Levine, you are a true gem.
gailcarsonlevine says:
From the website: I read your blog post (on which I am still unable to comment on ). Thank you so much for a). remembering my question and b). taking the time to answer it. Your post answers my question perfectly and helps tremendously. Thanks again 🙂
Anna Marie
Aspire to inspire says:
Mrs. Levine,
Have you read the book Wisdom's Kiss by Catherine Gilbert Murdock? Well anyway, the way she writes the story is quite original, instead of just writing the story, she tells it in different ways, such as through plays, diary's, letters, parents telling their children stories, history book entry's, etc. I want to style my story this way, as I find it easy to write like this, but is it copying? and if so is there a variant I could do? If yes do you have any tips I could use to help me?
gailcarsonlevine says:
I haven't read it, but telling your story through plays, diary entries, etc., isn't copying, as long as your plays and diary entries and so on are different from hers.
writeforfun says:
That sounds really cool! If you can do it, then more power to you!
writeforfun says:
Thanks for the excellant post! It really is helpful! As I've been starting my revision, I've noticed that I need to work on this. It's not so much that I have trouble creating developed characters as it is that I have trouble showing them to the reader. You've given me lots of ideas on this already!
Oh, and I am SUPER excited to hear from a copyright expert! I always get nervous about things that might infringe copyright, because I just don't understand copyrights. Does she have her own blog, by any chance? I'm an artist, as well as a writer, and I like to use reference photos as the basis of what I'm drawing, but I always wonder if I'm breaking any copyright laws. I've looked it up before, but all the laws are so confusing, and can't make heads or tails of them!
E.S. Ivy says:
Ms. Levine – there's a post over at Book Riot about Potential Husbands from YA fantasy and Char is at the top of the list! http://bookriot.com/2013/04/23/potential-husbands-from-ya-fantasy-a-comparison-chart/
Don't miss the comments. 🙂
Melissa says:
That's awesome. Though that picture of Char doesn't quite do him justice…not how I picture him anyway.
So true about watching those with power over us closely!
gailcarsonlevine says:
Thanks for letting me know. What fun!
Michelle Dyck says:
Fantastic post, Mrs. Levine (as always).
Regarding secondary characters…in one of my books, I have to introduce nine new characters pretty much all at once. (They're the families of my two MCs.) I'm not currently working on this book, but when I was, I had trouble keeping them all distinct. It's a rescue-and-escape scene, so it's not as if I can have everyone sit back and get to know each other. This post has given me some great ideas for fleshing them out, but my problem is that I think I'm giving the readers an information overload! There's just too many people to keep track of. Anyone have some ideas or advice?
Xmay says:
maybe you could just introduce them slowly one at a time. Each new character could be seen/described doing something. for example (i'm just making up names, and I'll leave the 2 MCs as MC1 and MC2): Mary-MC1's sister-was creeping toward the door, despite MC2's explicit warning of the danger.
Meanwhile, Gregory-MC2's younger brother-was already inside the building and running to the cell where MC1 was being held. MC2 muttered under her breath, (s)he would be having words with MC1's siblings later-that is, if they didn't get themselves killed.
and then so on and so forth like that.
I'm not sure if it would work with your scene, but it's just an idea.
Michelle Dyck says:
Thanks, Xmay. That's sort of what I was trying to do in the first place. Who knows — maybe when I go back to work on that book, I'll be able to figure out a way to smooth things out.
gailcarsonlevine says:
This is really hard! Maybe all you can do in a quick-moving scene is to provide a quick impression of the secondaries and then use subsequent scenes to flesh out your portrayals.
Michelle Dyck says:
Yeah, that could work too. It's just difficult to make sure that the reader can keep track of nine new characters suddenly running around. My brother read the first draft of that scene once, and he had to write everyone's names down to remember who was who. Even then, he had to ask me a few times, "Wait — who's Rebecca again?" Do you think I should restructure the story so I only introduce half of the group first, and then the rest later? (Not literally half, of course, otherwise one would be a corpse severed in two.)
gailcarsonlevine says:
If you can limit the number of characters in the scene, that will probably make the writing easier.
carpelibris says:
Can any of the characters be condensed? Ex, can one sibling do the job of 3? Can the eccentric cousin and the niece be combined into one character? Is there anyone who's not doing much, and can be cut?
Or, if you want the characters to have large families, does every member have to be individualized, or can you just have "The Family" as a single entity?
Michelle Dyck says:
Carpelibris: you know, I have briefly considered that, but it might be worth considering more seriously. I actually found that there was a whole chunk of the book where one character's brother completely disappeared. Either I merely forgot him due to other characters and plot threads taking precedence, or he was simply unnecessary. (I'm thinking the latter…)
As to the family being a single entity, can you explain that a little more?
carpelibris says:
I'll try. If all you need is the fact that the character has a large (possibly somewhat overwhelming?) family, you could use them like a sort of Greek chorus, and never identify individuals, but just refer to this hectic mass of waving arms and raised voices.
Michelle Dyck says:
Ah, I see. Unfortunately, that doesn't work for my story.
But on the plus side, this whole conversation has given me ideas for how to fix, or at least minimize, this overload problem. Thanks to everyone who gave me advice!
Jenalyn Cloward says:
I've also had difficulty shaping secondary characters. I have the tendency to fall back on stereotypes. When I was working on the second draft of my screenplay, and the introduction of some of the secondary characters (known as "B-story characters" in screenwriting) was coming up, I decided to stop writing the screenplay and explore my characters a bit. What I did was write a short short story about each character, their families, and how they got to where they're introduced. My screenplay has similarities to the story of Daniel in Babylon, so I decided to write about how each character reacted to the news that they were to leave to a distant planet. Doing this helped me flesh out the characters and think of them as people rather than characters. No one will ever read these blurbs, but I was able to give details from their backgrounds in the screenplay that hinted toward a deeper, more complex character. Anyways, hope that helps.
gailcarsonlevine says:
Wonderful idea!
Houstonproductions1 says:
Hi Mrs. Levine…
I have a question. Do you think it's too WEIRD to do mind swapping and gender swapping and transformations in books? I love writing short stories and paragraphs where boys get turned into girls, or body swap, but don't know how to draw the line between fun, and unnecessary and weird. I just don't know if a character getting transformed into something is too melodramatic and strange, and whether is would sell or be fun to read. I love reading it, but who's to say others would? I don't know, because in one way I want to use my gifts, on of which is a fascination and ability to write transformations, but don't know whether it's too WEIRD or not.
writeforfun says:
I don't know about anyone else, but I love mind swapping! I think it's so funny, and it often shows how distinct the characters are (you should read the post on mind swap – my real name is Emma and that was my question). You might want to stay away from gender transformation, because that's more of a moral issue, but getting transformed into another type of creature – a fairy or a dog or a dragon or whatever – would probably be fine. Of course, it all depends on what type of book you're writing, too. If you're writing a serious, realistic book, it might shock the reader, although I could be wrong. If you're writing a fantasy, though, you can probably go for it! Just my two cents.
carpelibris says:
I love transformation stories.
gailcarsonlevine says:
I never know what will sell, but if you like to read and write about transformations, chances are other people will too. There's a long tradition of transformation stories. There's "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" by Robert Louis Stevenson and "Metamorphosis" by Franz Kafka, not to mention all the transformations in fairy tales.
Jenalyn Cloward says:
I know that gender-/body-swapping is very popular in Japanese manga and anime, but I don't know how popular it is here. Personally, if I were considering doing something like this, I would ask myself whether I was adding it simply because I thought it would be fun, or if adding it would add to the plot. A really clever use of body-swapping is in the manga "Gakuen Alice," where the love interest learns some things about how the MC thinks of him because she doesn't realize he's back in his real body, and the best friend learns about how the MC is being bullied because she's in the MC's body. In both cases this incident helped advanced the story while still being light and fun.
peter kenneth says:
Absolutely wonderful blog post!! thank you for sharing it with !! keep writing as we love to read you!! Crystal Bra Straps
Wil Sterling says:
I’ve never thought of appearance as a character development tool – thanks for the insight!