First off, for anyone in my neck of the woods (lower upstate New York), I\u2019ll be signing at the Chappaqua Children\u2019s Book Festival from 10:00 to 4:00’ish (I sometimes leave a little early to catch my train) on September 24th, along with many other great kids\u2019 book writers. Details are here on the website when you click on News and then on Appearances. If you can come, I\u2019d love to see you, and, since I\u2019ll be there all day, we\u2019ll have time to chat.<\/p>\n
On to the post. On May 26, 2016, Mary E. Norton wrote, My mother, who is my main beta reader, always tells me that when I write a story I always tell instead of show what is happening. The only thing is I don\u2019t know how to show instead of tell. Can anyone help explain to me how I can achieve this?<\/em><\/p>\n Christie V Powell offered these ideas and examples: I think Gail described it as a camera that zooms in. If you\u2019re telling, it\u2019s zoomed out so you get a big panorama picture with few details. If you show, you\u2019re zooming in so the details are prominent.<\/em><\/p>\n Tell: Tess climbed the tree and looked for danger.<\/em> First two lines of my WIP:<\/em> For me, portraying emotion is where you really want to be showing.<\/em><\/p>\n Jasper was afraid.<\/em><\/p>\n Jasper didn\u2019t speak, but a strange rattling sound came from his direction. It took her a moment to realize what it was. The wooden feet of Jasper\u2019s sofa were shaking against the floor. At last he choked out, \u201cWhy are you telling me? I can\u2019t go in there.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n And I wrote, A terrific example. Just naming the feeling usually falls flat. I love how the emotion gets transmitted to the sofa.<\/em><\/p>\n In showing all the senses may get into the act. My camera lens comparison that Christie V Powell mentioned highlights the visual, but we can also bring in the auditory, as she does with the clattering sofa legs. Smell and touch may be involved, too. Christie V Powell uses touch in her example of the rough bark. She didn\u2019t include smell\u2013which is fine because we don\u2019t want to follow a checklist\u2013but Tess might also have picked up the earthy scent of the forest.<\/p>\n In addition to the sensory, we can also think about the temporal element, which Christie V Powell demonstrated (showed) in her examples. Please notice that her telling examples are shorter than her showing ones. So we can make another analogy. On a tape recorder, telling means pressing the fast-forward button.<\/p>\n And we need that button, which moves a narrative along. If we were to show everything, our stories would be slower than real time and our readers would slip into a coma. We can\u2019t avoid all telling. Telling is baked into language. We are telling creatures. We just need to shift back and forth from one mode to the other.<\/p>\n So how do we move from the more instinctive telling method to the acquired showing way? And how do we know when we should?<\/p>\n One of the effects of showing is to draw our reader inside our character, to make him see what she sees, hear what she hears, etc. Let\u2019s imagine Tess in the forest on the run from Robin Hood and his not-so-merry band, who are convinced she\u2019s going to turn them in to the Sheriff of Nottingham–because lately they\u2019ve been stealing from everyone and giving to themselves.<\/p>\n Often, when I\u2019m writing a scene and I\u2019m not sure about the environment, I use google images. I might google \u201cforest floor\u201d and noodle around. I might also look at forest images, especially old-growth forest, which Sherwood Forest probably would be. I might google “English songbirds” to discover what she might hear. The point is, I want to be inside Tess in that forest.<\/p>\n From my Tess story, I probably know what season it is and what time of day. I probably also know if Tess is a woodlands girl or if she\u2019s spent her life in a castle and a village, and whether or not she\u2019s following a road or a path.<\/p>\n Once I\u2019m prepared and maybe have jotted down\u00a0a few notes I can start writing.<\/p>\n If Tess is inexperienced in the woods, that can up the ante. She takes a step. The dead leaves are\u00a0deafening, sound like they\u2019re shouting in dry voices, \u201cHere I am!\u201d She\u2019s listening to her own noise and trying also to hear the sound of hooves or a wild boar crashing through the underbrush, homing in on the scent of her fear.<\/p>\n We\u2019ve covered sound and smell. What does she see? It may be noon, but the forest canopy may be so dense that the light is murky. We may describe from our google images, or we may go into an actual forest if one is nearby. If it\u2019s day she can probably see enough to make her way, but there may be no distance vision. She may imagine the worst lying straight\u00a0ahead.<\/p>\n If we want to introduce touch as well, Christie V Powell mentioned the rough feel of the bark. She can knock against a tree. We can make her trip on a tree root and encounter the forest floor up close and personal.<\/p>\n We can\u2013should\u2013include her thoughts as part of our showing. She may be nervously narrating everything she\u2019s doing, as in, Now I step gingerly but sound like an elephant. Now I broadcast exactly where I am. Now my heart rises and catapults out of my mouth.<\/em> Or she may be bargaining frantically. If I survive I will never say a mean word to anyone. I won\u2019t complain<\/em>. Or something more positive, like, Mother says I\u2019m good in a pinch. Father tells me I\u2019m all determination.<\/em><\/p>\n And we can show the physical side of emotions as Christie V Powell does with the couch legs.<\/p>\n In our first draft of a scene in showing, we may write more than we need, but that\u2019s okay. We just snip here and there when we revise.<\/p>\n So that\u2019s the how. Slow down, inhabit our characters, and write the 3-D version, plus sense- and smell-a-rama. And taste, if taste comes into it.<\/p>\n Now for when to show. Christie V Powell says at moments of heightened emotion, and I agree. Also, when important plot moments are happening. If our main characters are robbing a bank, we can\u2019t skip much, which means showing.<\/p>\n Here are some other times:<\/p>\n To heighten tension. The scene in the forest is nerve-racking because of showing.<\/p>\n To reveal relationships. For example, dialogue is showing, although characters may tell each other things.<\/p>\n To reveal character. In our showing of Tess in the forest, we convey more about her. Does she plow ahead or inch along? Is her throat dry? Does she stop to drink from her canteen? Or does she fail to think about dehydration. Did she forget to fill her canteen?<\/p>\n Showing can make us aware of the gaps in our plotting. When we show, we can\u2019t jump over the parts that don\u2019t really work. It keeps us honest.<\/p>\n But telling is a part of creating a story, too. So, when do we tell?<\/p>\n It gets confusing, because telling is in everything. Let\u2019s take three words in one of Christie V Powell\u2019s examples of showing: Jasper didn\u2019t speak. Well, I\u2019d argue that that\u2019s a moment of telling. I guess if we were going to show it we might say, No sound issued from Jasper\u2019s throat, which seems unnecessarily long to me. So maybe it\u2019s more accurate to compare predominantly<\/em> showing versus predominantly<\/em> telling.<\/p>\n So when should we mostly tell?<\/p>\n When we want to cover ground quickly. Maybe we want to summarize events that the reader needs to know, but that don\u2019t hold a lot of drama. Or maybe we want to move time along. We have a stretch that has to be accounted for during which not much significant happens, so we may write something like, Tess was on the alert, but three weeks passed in the village of Sherwood without a single new theft.<\/p>\n When we want to provide background economically, because telling is economic. Maybe Tess\u2019s childhood friend arrives in Sherwood village and we want the reader to know a little about their mutual history but we don\u2019t want to go into a full, showing flashback. We might just write, It was Fiona who taught Tess to never underestimate an enemy.<\/p>\n When we want to comment on the action, as in this famous beginning of Jane Austen\u2019s Pride and Prejudice: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.<\/em> A bold statement like this is less common in contemporary novels, but we can still use telling to guide the reader. I do at the beginning of Ella Enchanted<\/em> with That fool of a fairy Lucinda did not mean to lay a curse on me.<\/em> By calling Lucinda a fool I influence the reader\u2019s perspective. Notice that commentary can be delivered by a first-person voice as well as an omniscient narrator.<\/p>\n These are the uses I can think of, but there may be more, which I encourage you to post for everyone to add to the list.<\/p>\n Here are four prompts. When you show, remember to slow down and to include sensory details:<\/p>\n \u2219 Use mostly showing to write Tess\u2019s scene in the woods, trying to evade Robin Hood.<\/p>\n \u2219 Use telling to inform the reader of Tess\u2019s initial\u00a0awareness of Robin Hood.<\/p>\n \u2219 Switch to mostly showing and rewrite that first awareness as a scene.<\/p>\n \u2219 Take Austen\u2019s first sentence and make it into an entire scene written in mostly showing. Demonstrate to the reader what Austen merely (and elegantly) declares–that every mother with at least one daughter and every busybody starts matchmaking the moment a wealthy bachelor shows up.<\/p>\n Have fun, and save what you write!<\/p>\n Also, this came in to the last post from Bethany a few hours ago, and I\u2019d hate for it to get lost:<\/p>\n ATTENTION!!! PLEASE GIVE FEEDBACK!!! Thank you. I wrote, ATTENTION BACK! When is your paper due?<\/p>\n And Christie V Powell wrote, How much time do you have? You might consider reading \u201cThe Seven Basic Plots\u201d by Christopher Booker, which addresses these questions. However, it\u2019s huge. It took me weeks to read, and I rarely take more than a day to read a book.<\/p>\n Short answers: Yes, it entertains. Education can be important, but can\u2019t be too blatant. Novels ask questions, especially big moral\/theme questions, but leave the reader to answer them on their own. Yes, I think there are scientific studies that say that reading makes people more empathetic because it helps us see the world through someone else\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" First off, for anyone in my neck of the woods (lower upstate New York), I\u2019ll be signing at the Chappaqua Children\u2019s Book Festival from 10:00 to 4:00’ish (I sometimes leave a little early to catch my train) on September 24th, along with many other great kids\u2019 book writers. 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\nShow: Tess\u2019s fingers grasped the rough bark as she heaved herself upward, ears alert for any hint of danger.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nFor Keita Sage, crossing the valley floor without detection was the easy part of the rescue. (tell)<\/em>
\nShe had darted across the brush, her feet sure despite the predawn darkness, but now they trembled inside their awkward, bulky shoes. (show)<\/em><\/p>\n
\nAnyone, but specifically Gail: I am writing my research paper on the purpose of fiction. Please tell me your opinions. What is the purpose of fiction? Is it to entertain? Is educating important? Do you think reading about fictional characters can change us and make us better people?
\nThanks so much!<\/p>\n