https:\/\/www.humanesociety.org\/resources\/what-do-about-cougars<\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\nBelle Adora: If you are writing and aren\u2019t sure if the dialogue sounds natural, read it out loud.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nThese are terrific! I especially like Katie W.\u2019s introduction of Anderis\u2019s thoughts into the narrative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The reader of the whole story has the advantage over us in knowing what the conflict in this story is and what to worry about. But if this is the very beginning, and one of the problems is the defenselessness of, say, travelers, we can start to bring this in, using Anderis\u2019s thoughts as well as what he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Melissa Mead\u2019s link about cougars can help us. (I love using research in my fiction.) In narration, we can say that these are, for example, a subspecies called Calamity Cougars because they\u2019re not at all shy and kill with their claws as well as their fangs. Such information will raise the stakes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We can bring in body language to join the conversation, so to speak. Anderis\u2019s mom\u2019s response to his urgency can be just to roll over. Or she can jump up and, disoriented, run in the direction of the pawprints. Or something else. We can make a list.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Meanwhile, he can start breaking camp, his gestures sharp and angry. Or something else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And we can list what Anderis might think, like that she never really gets moving before noon, or that he has to worry for both of them since she\u2019s so calm, or how his father could always get Mom to do whatever he wanted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And we can list what she might say. She might start telling him the great dream he interrupted. Or make fun of him for worrying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Feelings can get into the act. Voices can be raised or lowered. Mom can sing to drown Anderis out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As we try things, we define our characters, and our dialogue tightens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It will help if we know the problem of our story, which could be malevolent, weirdly smart cougars encroaching on human civilization. Or Anderis and Mom are fleeing after robbing a den of thieves. Or they\u2019re on a camping trip to repair their relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If we don\u2019t already know, we can use this cougar-threat moment to decide what the larger conflict might be, or to try out some possibilities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Once we do know, we consider their personalities, which will determine to a large degree how they express themselves. Anderis may be direct. He says what he thinks and makes sure he\u2019s understood. Mom may be imaginative. In a discussion, she goes down more than one path and doesn\u2019t double back to make sure Anderis is following. He says, \u201cCougars are coming.\u201d She says, \u201cThey\u2019re such beautiful animals.\u201d He says, \u201cAnd lethal.\u201d She says, \u201cDo you know we share a common ancestor?\u201d He groans. She says, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong, son?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That was fun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here are a few technical things to think about:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Dialogue tends to be livelier if it\u2019s broken up by action, like Mom rolling over to go back to sleep.<\/li>
- Unless this is a high-action scene, the thoughts and feelings of the POV character will bring the reader in. If it is a high-action scene, these\u2014and dialogue\u2014should appear in brief bursts.<\/li>
- In real life, people sometimes do speak in long sentences and long paragraphs, but they’re hard to plow through and tend to feel unnatural in fiction. We should be concise unless we have a character on our hands who is wordy or who is frightened into babbling. In that case, it\u2019s fine.<\/li>
- Whenever dialogue switches from one character to another, we start a new paragraph, which will help the reader keep track.<\/li>
- The reader always needs to know who\u2019s speaking, but we can accomplish that sometimes by giving the speaker an action. For instance, one of them can say, \u201cWhere did you put the arrows?\u201d followed in the same paragraph by Anderis pulling aside a blanket. Then the reader knows he said the line. Of course, he can also say, \u201cMom, where did you put the arrows\u201d and the reader will know.<\/li>
- If we need to just say who\u2019s speaking, the verbs said<\/em> and ask<\/em> are better than anything else (like replied<\/em> or queried<\/em>) because said<\/em> and ask<\/em> don\u2019t draw attention to themselves. The exception is when we\u2019re revealing volume. If a character is whispering, the reader should be told.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
And here are three prompts from the story possibilities I suggested above. Write a scene chock full of dialogue and, if you like, continue to finish the story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Malevolent, weirdly smart cougars are encroaching on human civilization.<\/li>
- Anderis and Mom are fleeing after robbing a den of thieves.<\/li>
- Anderis and Mom are on a camping trip to repair their relationship.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
Have fun, and save what you write!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This post is about dialogue, and a different dialogue question came in on the blog very recently. I\u2019m going to hold it until its turn comes, but, Brambles and Bees, you may find this one useful too. On January 25, 2021, FantasyFan101 wrote, I need help with dialogue. First of all, I feel I don\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[18],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1633"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1633"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1633\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1637,"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1633\/revisions\/1637"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1633"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1633"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1633"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}