On June 27, 2011, Agnes wrote, When I write a story the writing process goes like this. I have an idea, so I think about it and act it out until my plot has a basic shape. Then I start writing it down, my problem is that my descriptions get way too long. How can I stop this?<\/i>
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\nActing your story out is a terrific idea!<\/p>\n
I wouldn\u2019t worry about the length of your descriptions while you\u2019re writing them. Just keep going. When you\u2019re finished, you can see what you need and what you can do without.<\/p>\n
When you go back, regard your adjectives and adverbs with suspicion. Test your sentences without them. If nothing is lost by removing the word lovely<\/i>, for example, delete it. Usually, the adjectives and adverbs that we can\u2019t do without are the ones that convey information, like green, hot, wobbly, sparsely<\/i>.<\/p>\n
More general adjectives sometimes have their place. For example, I used the word terrific<\/i> above in a sentence of less than spellbinding prose. If I had been going for something better I might have written that acting your idea out ensures that your story has tension and feeling. Terrific<\/i> is a summary word, and in this case I wanted speed. I wanted to convey approval, not necessarily the reason for the approval.<\/p>\n
Generally, nouns and verbs should do your heavy lifting. Better than \u201cDon\u2019t eviscerate me with that long weapon,\u201d he said softly<\/i> would be \u201cDon\u2019t eviscerate me with that saber,\u201d he whispered<\/i>. Better and shorter.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve said this before: Take care with words that weaken, like almost, slightly, somewhat<\/i>. Occasionally they\u2019re essential, but often they reflect an unwillingness to take a stand, as in Hilda felt <\/i>almost <\/i>jealous<\/i>. Let\u2019s let her go lime-green with envy.<\/p>\n
More broadly, think about what you want your description to do. Description sets the movie going in your reader\u2019s mind, so you need to provide enough to let him see and possibly hear, touch, and smell his surroundings. When Hilda goes into her bedroom and the reader sees it for the first time, he needs to know more than that there\u2019s a bed in there, but he doesn\u2019t need a raft of specifics. He probably should be told if the bed is a bunk bed. Let\u2019s suppose it isn\u2019t. Let\u2019s suppose the room is fussy. There\u2019s a dust ruffle around the bed, which is an antique reproduction of Benjamin Franklin\u2019s bed (I have no idea if this is possible). Roses are stenciled on the bureau. Atop the dresser, real roses fill a rose-colored vase, and under the vase, a doily. The walls are covered with William Morris wallpaper. The floor sports two braided rugs. A quilt in a classic pattern hangs on the wall.<\/p>\n
The poor reader doesn\u2019t have to be burdened with all this; a few details will do. But I\u2019d like him to know who decorated the room, especially if Hilda chose everything, and she\u2019s seven years old! Seriously, because then the description reveals character, and that\u2019s cool.<\/p>\n
As a sidebar, the reader doesn\u2019t have to know what William Morris wallpaper is. He\u2019ll get the idea, or he can look it up. You don\u2019t have to worry about his comprehension in such a little matter. If William Morris wallpaper is exactly what you want, keep it in. You can even make up a kind of wallpaper if you like, Millicent Popper paper, say, and no one will ever discover more about it than you reveal.<\/p>\n
Another consideration is what\u2019s going to happen. Suppose there\u2019s a rocking chair in the room, and Hilda is about to rock so enthusiastically that it falls apart, which will be the last straw for her foster parents, and they\u2019re going to call Social Services. Then the reader has to know there’s a chair, probably before she sits down in it.<\/p>\n
Description can convey feeling. Hilda is sent to jail, maybe for bad home decorating decisions. You want your description to convey how bad the prison conditions are: the stink, the chill, the iron bed, the single blanket, the cockroaches. If this is a comedy, the lack of art on the walls. Then Hilda is released. Again, you may want to describe her new situation for contrast. But you don\u2019t want to go too far. Enough to let the reader experience the place, not so much that boredom sets in.<\/p>\n
You can use description to heighten suspense. Hilda\u2019s foster parents tell her that she can\u2019t live with them anymore. The scene takes place in the kitchen. Everyone is waiting for the social worker to come. Hilda spends the time noticing the abundance of food in the kitchen, the bowl of fruit, the cake cooling on the counter, the soup pot on the stove, the fridge with its automatic ice dispenser, the spice rack, the branch of basil hanging by the window. The reader gulps and wonders when Hilda will experience such abundance again.<\/p>\n
Often we put in a lot of detail so that we know where everything is and we can see the movie. When we revise, we need to ask ourselves what purpose our description is serving. <\/p>\n
\u2022 Is it creating the movie?
\n\u2022 Is it revealing character?
\n\u2022 Is it making a mood?
\n\u2022 Is it conveying feeling?
\n\u2022 Is it heightening suspense?<\/p>\n
This may not be an exhaustive list. If you can identify some other objective your description is fulfilling or if it\u2019s serving one of the ones I\u2019ve listed, then it deserves to live. But if not, or if it has a purpose but you\u2019ve gone on too long, that\u2019s the time to cut.<\/p>\n
Sometimes we fall in love with our words and it\u2019s hard to give them up. I particularly like the doily under the rose-colored vase, but if the reader wants to shred it and flush the bits, then it\u2019s doing no good, and it should go.<\/p>\n
Of course, it can be hard to tell what should stay and what should be deleted. For that, you need the usual resources: time away from the manuscript to give you objectivity, helpful criticism, and experience. The more you write the better you\u2019ll get at this one particular thing. I guarantee it.<\/p>\n
Time for prompts:<\/p>\n
\u2022 Hilda has taken refuge from her foster family with the seven dwarves. It\u2019s two months after Snow White left. The dwarves have gone to the mines for the day, and she\u2019s alone in their cottage. Describe the cottage through her eyes.<\/p>\n
\u2022 After deliberating a while, Hilda makes some changes to the dwarves\u2019 home. Their cottage can be in the middle of a village of dwarves\u2019 cottages with shops and so forth, or it can be alone in a forest. Describe what she does.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Describe what happens when the dwarves return.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Put what you\u2019ve written aside for three days.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Now look at it all again. What can you cut? What do you need to add? Revise.<\/p>\n
Have fun, and save what you wrote!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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