To you brave NaNoWriMo-ers, I\u2019m thinking of you and wishing you well!<\/p>\n
On September 8, 2018, Writeforfun wrote, I have a character with a sort of condition\/curse that causes him a lot of pain and discomfort at certain times. I have no trouble describing it because I got the flu recently (the kind where you ache so badly and you\u2019re so weak that you can\u2019t walk across the room), so I can envision exactly how he feels.<\/em><\/p>\n My problem is, I\u2019m worried that I\u2019m making him seem whiny or wimpy when I write about it. He never actually complains about his pain, but I keep mentioning how he\u2019s feeling, or mentioning actions such as rubbing a sore joint, in order to get the point across; however, as I read over it, I feel like he just sounds kind of pathetic. He\u2019s supposed to be a silently suffering but ultimately strong kid, but I\u2019m not sure I\u2019m achieving that.<\/em><\/p>\n Any tips?<\/em><\/p>\n Writeforfun went on the provide a sample:: The king cast an apologetic look at Oliver. \u201cI am sorry to take you to the dungeons,\u201d he said. \u201cBut I assure you, you are by no means a prisoner.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Oliver could not find the courage or strength to reply, so he nodded vaguely as he rubbed his aching arms.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s just down here,\u201d said the king gently. Sir Rodrick pulled an extra torch off the wall and followed after Oliver, who tentatively descended after the king. It was a spiral staircase, and though there were no windows, there were so many torches that it was brighter in the staircase than it had been in the hallway. Oliver wasn\u2019t sure if he had the strength to make it all the way down; his legs were throbbing, even his skin stinging as his transformation drew painfully nearer.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve put a few extra torches up for you,\u201d said the king as he descended the stairs ahead of them. \u201cI see no reason for it to be dark and dreary down here during your stay.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Oliver could not find the strength to thank him, so he nodded weakly.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cOnly a bit further,\u201d said the king, who had noticed his fatigue. He shot a glance past Oliver to Sir Rodrick, but Oliver did not know nor care what he was communicating.<\/em><\/p>\n The spiral staircase made him dizzy and seemed to stretch on forever, but at last they reached the floor. It was cobblestone like the paths outside the castle, only this floor had no shoots of moss and grass peeking through the cracks; only dry, hard earth or, in some places, mud.<\/em><\/p>\n I wrote, He doesn\u2019t seem either whiny or wimpy to me. He seems heroic. But I\u2019m adding your question to my list, because there are aspects I think we can explore.<\/em><\/p>\n And Poppie wrote: You can use a cue to let the reader know what he\u2019s going through without having to repeat yourself. For example, earlier in the story the reader finds out that his right elbow aches so badly that he can\u2019t bend his arms, so he grabs it as a reaction to his pain. Later, when ever he grabs his elbow, the readers know what\u2019s going on without going through the details again.<\/em><\/p>\n Are there times when his symptoms are better than others? You could sprinkle those in throughout the story. It would give him a break and give more weight to when he\u2019s suffering.<\/em><\/p>\n Taking off my writer\u2019s hat for a moment and just saying, I got my (senior) flu shot last month. Even before I grew so old, I presented myself for vaccination every year, because, before the vaccine was invented, I came down with the flu annually, with all the attendant misery. We can\u2019t write when we can\u2019t sit up!<\/p>\n Onward!<\/p>\n Before I get into advice-giving, I want to point out the skillful and economical way Writeforfun sneaks in a hint that Oliver\u2019s symptoms presage a transformation.<\/p>\n I am firmly in the camp of writers who believe in finishing before revising, excepting only when we (I) are so lost that going on is impossible. When I\u2019m worrying about an element in my story, I write a note about the problem at the top of the first page\u00a0 to remind myself to keep it in mind as I revise.<\/p>\n Often, when I finish, I realize that my worries were just that\u2013and six other things need fixing, but not those.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s assume, however, that Writeforfun has reached the revision stage. As I said above, Oliver doesn\u2019t come across as wimpy or whiny, but I think it is possible that the reader is being reminded more than she needs to be about his physical troubles. If his well-being matters to the reader, she won\u2019t forget that he\u2019s in pain. This applies whether he\u2019s our main character or our villain. If he\u2019s important to the story, the reader will remember. A few details will go along way. In fact, the reader may intuit more suffering for him if we don\u2019t reveal everything\u2013<\/p>\n –unless for some plot reason, the reader must understand every intricacy of Oliver\u2019s misery. If that\u2019s the case, Oliver doesn\u2019t have to bear the whole burden.<\/p>\n I have the idea that this is from a third-person omniscient POV, because the narrator reveals, not only Oliver\u2019s pain, but also the king noticing the pain. If that\u2019s the case, the king can be shown to think something about Oliver\u2019s condition: how pinched his face looks, how he\u2019s dragging one of his feet\u2013whatever. Sir Rodrick can have an emotional response to Oliver\u2019s apparent illness, sympathy or anger or something else.<\/p>\n If the POV isn\u2019t omniscient, we can still use the other characters. Dialogue is one way. The king can remark on Oliver\u2019s limp or his pinched face. Sir Rodrick can question whether he must be imprisoned, since he seems too weak to be a flight risk.<\/p>\n We can use Oliver\u2019s actions, rather than his inner state. He can stumble or grab Rodrick\u2019s arm, which is involuntary and not wimpy or whiny.<\/p>\n We can use his own words to reveal his courage, his non-wimpiness. The king can ask him if he\u2019s all right, and he can say, \u201cNever better,\u201d even though the reader knows he\u2019s in pain.<\/p>\n And we can use his thoughts to achieve the same end. Because he is brave, he can think, This isn\u2019t so bad. Anyone can manage this. He can draw on some wisdom from his world, possibly a saying to help him get through–but resorting to that particular saying will show the reader how bad it is.<\/p>\n So we have these other strategies to reveal the shape a character is in, other than his own thoughts and feelings: the perspective of other characters as revealed through their thoughts and feelings; dialogue between other characters and even with him; and his actions, like a stumble.<\/p>\n Here are three prompts:<\/p>\n \u2219 Your MC is trying to keep his dog, Fraggle, from being discovered. The stakes are high. Fraggle is not only his adored pet, but also his service dog. If she\u2019s taken from him, he will fall apart. Write the scene so that the reader knows what\u2019s going on.<\/p>\n \u2219 Your MC is climbing a mountain to reach the citadel of her enemy, and she\u2019s in great emotional pain. You make up the reason. Write the scene.<\/p>\n \u2219 Your MC and your villain are discussing a truce, but neither really wants one. Both want to discover the other\u2019s true next move. Write the scene from the POV of an omniscient narrator. If you\u2019re inclined to try it, rewrite the scene in first person of one of the two.<\/p>\n Have fun, and save what you write!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" To you brave NaNoWriMo-ers, I\u2019m thinking of you and wishing you well! On September 8, 2018, Writeforfun wrote, I have a character with a sort of condition\/curse that causes him a lot of pain and discomfort at certain times. I have no trouble describing it because I got the flu recently (the kind where you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1013"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1013"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1013\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1014,"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1013\/revisions\/1014"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1013"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1013"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gailcarsonlevine.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1013"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}