First off, many, many thanks to everyone who suggested titles, which I will soon present to my editor, and you will be first, after my husband and dog, to know the outcome. I can count on you guys!

On October 23, 2015 Rayne Simone wrote, I hope to find an answer to this question and present it clearly-it’s very important in a story I’m working on. Often, story ideas fizzle out, and I have about a hundred 10 pg. stories in my computer. Now that I have started a novel, I plan on delving more into my character and her growth, but I’m finding it hard with her thoughts. When she’s struggling over a decision, or coming up with an idea, I don’t know how I should properly convey her thought process. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions I’m all ears. I hope that this is clear enough.

NPennyworth wrote back, If this persists, you may want to try to write another 10-page story that is just the character talking or her backstory. It doesn’t have to be featured in your novel but may help you to get to know the character better and write her thoughts. You could also try switching your point of view to see if that will work better for your novel.

And Rayne Simone answered. Thank you for your advice, and I will be glad to try it, although I think I understand her character, I just don’t specifically know how to articulate what I want to be written. For example, I could go on and on forever in her voice (I love using it) and write many paragraphs about her home, family, and friends, but I can’t write one sentence of her figuring out a problem. If there was a situation where, let’s say, she was given a riddle or problem that she had to solve, I wouldn’t know how to begin. How do you describe the thought process of people? Thank you for answering, and I am certainly going to try all of your suggestions, and I’m glad that you wrote back.

MisplacedPoetry weighed in, too. Maybe you should just let her go on and get all that out of her system; then she might be ready for some problem solving and you might get how to do it?

And this from Melissa Mead: Can you demonstrate her thoughts through her actions?

Giving credit where it’s due, the title of this post comes from The Three Stooges.

In poetry school, we often do close readings of poems, looking at language, sound, sentence length, meaning. Let’s do a close reading of Rayne Simone’s two comments above, but in this case we’ll consider how we might express thoughts in writing. And let’s intuit her thoughts as she was writing. Rayne Simone, I hope you don’t object to the invasive mind-reading (which may be entirely wrong). I’ve put the guessed-at thoughts in bold:

I hope to find an answer to this question and present it clearly-it’s very important in a story I’m working on. I want them to be crystal clear about how much I need this. Often, story ideas fizzle out, and I have about a hundred 10 pg. stories in my computer. See how urgent this is! Now that I have started a novel, My first! I hope they understand what a big deal this is. I plan on delving more into my character and her growth, but I’m finding it hard with her thoughts. When she’s struggling over a decision, or coming up with an idea, I don’t know how I should properly convey her thought process. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions I’m all ears. I hope that this is clear enough. Will they get it? Will they respond?

And:

Thank you for your advice, and I will be glad to try it, although I think I understand her character, I just don’t specifically know how to articulate what I want to be written. Maybe I didn’t ask the question in the right way. For example, I could go on and on forever in her voice (I love using it) and write many paragraphs about her home, family, and friends, I’ve really done that! but I can’t write one sentence of her figuring out a problem. If there was a situation where, let’s say, she was given a riddle or problem that she had to solve, I wouldn’t know how to begin. How do you describe the thought process of people? Thank you for answering, and I am certainly going to try all of your suggestions, and I’m glad that you wrote back. I want to be sure NPennyworth knows I’m grateful. I don’t want her (him?) to think her effort was wasted on me, and I want other blog commenters to see how carefully I’ll consider and use whatever they send me.

Actually, I think Rayne Simone’s posts are chiefly thoughts  expressed (well) on the page, and I’ve just added some of what she didn’t write. So what gives her phrases a thought quality?

The struggle to get it right. Rayne Simone is refining what she says to convey just what she wants. If she were a character narrating action or feeling, there wouldn’t be–couldn’t be–that struggle. Our MC either draws a sword or doesn’t, or even draws it out halfway. Her heart pounds or doesn’t pound. If we write, She fought back tears, that’s action. If we write, She fought back tears. There was nothing to cry over, anyway. She hadn’t lost anything because she hadn’t had anything in the first place, that’s action followed by thoughts. (I’ve written this in third person, but we can easily switch it to first. Thoughts can be expressed either way.)

What other strategies can we introduce to convey that thinking is happening?

∙ A debating quality. Not all thoughts go this way, but many do, especially when we or our characters are coming to a decision. We question: Is this the right way to go? What else is there? What would Manny think? Doesn’t matter what anybody thinks. Wait! Maybe it does.

∙ Sometimes we order ourselves around in thoughts: Wake up! Get up! Don’t put it off!

∙ Sometimes we address ourselves: Way to go, Sylvie! Or, You are a bleeping idiot, Sylvie!

∙ Sometimes (usually) thoughts continue in interpersonal situations, a running commentary on what’s passing, like the crawl at the bottom of a TV screen: I love this teacher! Or, Who wears shorts over leggings? (Do people do this?) What a weirdo!

∙ Simple language. Most of us don’t think in elevated prose. However, you may have a character who does, who will be an exception.

The rest of the post will be prompts to try out these ideas. Keep the strategies above in mind as you write.

∙ Pick a decision you need to make now or in the next few months. Write down your thoughts about it. You won’t get them all, because thoughts fly by too fast, but snag as many as you can. Fill a page or more.

∙ Pick a character, major or minor, in your WIP, and think what you know about her, what she’s like. Keeping those qualities in mind, either have her debate in her thoughts your real decision, or write her thoughts about your thoughts. Or both!

∙ Snow White has asked the dwarves to give her asylum. You can use Disney’s dwarves or your own. Do this with at least three dwarves, each with a different personality. Write down their thoughts about the decision, because everybody’s thought process is a little different.

Have fun, and save what you write!