Off with his head… nicely

First off, thanks to all of you who turned out in Pittsburgh! I was delighted to see you!

Now for the post. On July 19, 2012, capng wrote, …my WIP is told from the view of the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. She’s pretty evil at the beginning of the book (and conceited, too!), but gets better as the book continues. How do I make readers dislike her but still worry for her? Or is that even possible?

Sure, it’s possible. End of post.

Just kidding. I’m giddy from muddling through Hurricane Sandy. Our little backwater didn’t get the worst of it, only a few hours of no power (and we have a generator). No trees on the house. Reggie (the dog) survived confinement without eating the couch or us. Hope all of you are okay, too.

Yes, it’s possible, and fun; it’s delightful to fool with the emotions of the poor reader.

If the Queen of Hearts is going to improve, then the seeds of her better self already exist. One way to make the reader care is to reveal the tender shoot in her that will grow slowly into a more likable character. For example, suppose Queenie pets her flamingo before using it as a mallet in the croquet game, and she clenches her jaw and looked pained when she hits a hedgehog. The reader glimpses a kind person locked up in there, even as she’s being cruel. Since this is told from her POV, she might wish for a gentler way to play croquet. If only, she can think, the mallet and ball don’t have to be alive. Then, because she isn’t good yet, she can add, But I must have my game. And the fresh air is excellent for my complexion.

When the reader learns that the flamingos and the hedgehogs are plotting against her, he doesn’t entirely want her destroyed. He’s rooting for her to have a chance to reform.

If she’s fun on the page, glorying in her evil, the reader will enjoy being in her company and won’t want anything to remove her from the story. Queenie in the example above is fun, and I hope Bombina, the fairy in my favorite Princess Tale, For Biddle’s Sake, is too, regardless of her fondness for turning people into toads. She’s not precisely evil, since she adores Parsley, my main character, but before Parsley comes along, she’s a fairy criminal. Here’s a sample:

Once, when her footman Stanley failed to open the carriage door quickly enough, Bombina turned his bushy red beard into a purple Fury-Faced Trudy toad. It looked funny, hanging upside down from Stanley’s chin. Bombina laughed, and Parsley would have too if Stanley hadn’t looked so shocked.

Admittedly, the book is lighthearted, which may make my task easier.

However, there’s little humor in Vollys, the dragon in The Two Princesses of Bamarre. She’s evil, but she’s good company, and the reader sympathizes with her. She also loves my main, Aza. So loving someone can help make even an evil character likable.

It’s an advantage to be telling the story from Queenie’s POV, because the reader sees everything through her eyes. Her narrative might go something like this:

I pronounced judgment, “Off with his head.” Diamond Jack’s eyes darted to my dear husband, Kingie. Two guards grabbed Jack’s arms, but didn’t pull him away. We waited for the pardon that would surely come.
Kingie, who liked everything just so, was pulling a loose thread on his doublet. He may not have heard my sentence.
I repeated, louder, “Off with his head.”
“Darling,” Kingie said, holding out the thread and issuing no pardon, “the silk is unraveling. Help me.”
What to do? I felt the blood drain from my face. I didn’t want this, but if I pardoned Jack – I couldn’t! My reputation would be destroyed. “Take him away.” I gestured to the guards, whose faces had paled too. Jack’s lower lip trembled. I looked away and heard them march him off. “Sweetie…” I fumbled in my purse. A shudder ran through me, and I could hardly control my hands. “I have a scissors.”

She’s behaving terribly but she’s suffering, and I think the reader has to empathize. If the story were told from Jack’s POV, she would probably be a lot less sympathetic.

Character worry is a great goad to reader worry. If Queenie is anxious, the reader will likely be too. Suppose Diamond Jack has powerful friends… Queenie is terrified of the consequences of his death, whether he actually dies or not. She’s bewildered about her husband’s failure to come through with a pardon, and she’s unable to break free of her bad queen persona. In every possible thought direction, there’s trouble. The reader paces mentally while she paces physically.

The key is making Queenie someone the reader can inhabit comfortably, can see himself in, even when she behaves badly. If she’s stuck in a position she doesn’t like but can’t figure out how to get free of, the reader thinks, Oh, yeah. I’ve been stubborn about something I didn’t really mean, too.

I just googled “making difficult characters sympathetic.” A link suggests three conditions that will guarantee sympathy: a noble goal; obstacles to its achievement; a great love or passion, which will humanize the character. This is a tad formulaic but interesting. It might work if our character isn’t annoying. Let’s take the sentences above. If Queenie doesn’t seem to like Kingie, we’re going to have a hard time liking her. If Kingie is just her husband, not her dear, if she thinks, Kingie, whose pitiful brain was often distracted by nonsense… instead of Kingie, who liked everything just so, the reader may prefer a cockroach’s company to hers. With thoughts like this, she’d be unsympathetic even while curing cancer against all odds and being sweet to her poodle.

Here are three prompts:

• Queenie inherits a kingdom that’s impoverished by defeat in war. Her glorious goal is to raise her people out of poverty. The obstacle is that the peace treaty calls for costly tribute. Her passion is for music, and she’s an accomplished violinist. Her flaw is that she will not tolerate dissent. Write a scene and make her likable.

• Turn her around in the next scene and make her impossible to like.

• Write “Sleeping Beauty” from the POV of the fairy who wants Sleeping Beauty to prick her finger and die. Make the fairy likable. You can use the three conditions I found online. As you write, you may discover that you have a new story on your hands. Keep going.

Have fun, and save what you write!

30 Responses on “Off with his head… nicely”

  1. C.L. says:

    I have a few questions unrelated to this post in that it's about editing: how many times do you edit on your own before you send your work to your editor? How long do you wait before editing a book you just finished writing? What do you do while you're waiting to edit one book? How many edits do you tend to go through before you've found you absolutely can't do anything more to a book?

    Thank you! 🙂

  2. writeforfun says:

    I'm so glad you made it through the hurricane okay! The pictures on the news looked horrible! Did you get much flooding or anything where you are? Where I live, we only get tornadoes and blizzards. Hurricanes just seem so much worse! I'm glad to know you're alright:)

    This post will be extremely helpful for writing one of my characters. Mine isn't quite as evil as Queenie, but she's bossy and insensitive because she thinks she has to be. This post came at just the right time! Thanks!

  3. Seawritesforfun says:

    Quick critical comment, the main character in The Two Princesses of Bamarre is Addie, not Aza. 🙂
    I was wondering how can you make a book fluid? Mine is rather all over the place because i write very sporadically, (started in '10, still not finished but very close now) . I plan to do about 20 rewrites to try and fix it, but i'm not sure whether or not that will disrupt the plot.

  5. Inkling says:

    I'm glad yall made it out OK!!! I was a bit worried!

    Is anyone else doing NaNoWriMo? This is my first year, and I could use some writing buddies and some tips! I'm on as inkling97!

  6. writeforfun says:

    This is completely unrelated, but I just clicked on the link to your husband's website again (I check every so often for new pictures of your darling little doggie). I must say, I really enjoy your husband’s photography – he does such a nice job! And Reggie has gotten so downright handsome! He was adorable as a puppy, and as an adult…stunning. I love that we can see pictures of him. He’s so cute!

  7. Jane Hinrichs says:

    Thank you for sharing your writing wisdom! I've been a fan of your books for a long time. Now I'm a fan of your blog! I'm plugging away at a YA novel called Giant Sophie. What I read on your blog tonight has got me thinking in a new way. Thank you.

  9. carpelibris says:

    Thank you for posting on this topic. I've struggled with this problem, because I have a book that keeps getting "This is well-written, but I just can't relate to the MC." Unfortunately, the problem is central to the story. The character's half angelic being and half serpent-demon. He was raised as a serpent-demon, and the story is about how he learns to accept his "better half." In the beginning, he behaves like a serpent-demon, which means that the angelic beings are considered prey. I never show him eating anybody, but in the beginning he does hunt other characters (but never catches them.)
    I've tried to offset it by showing early on that he risks his own life trying to save his mother, and by showing him being chased and imprisoned by demon-hunters. Some readers have really liked him, but others (including all the agents) don't. Is this just too big of a taboo to overcome?

    • gailcarsonlevine says:

      Sounds to me like you're taking the right approach. If you haven't already, you might include your MC's thoughts as he grapples with his divided self. And you might add (if you haven't) some scenes of dialogue and small action with other characters, where his endearing aspects can shine.

    • carpelibris says:

      Thank you!

      Right now I have him alone in the first scene. I think I need to put someone in there with him right off, maybe his pure-demon friend who has none of the MC's qualms about his dinner being a "speaking thing."

  10. gailcarsonlevine says:

    From the website: I was wondering if you had any advice for a story I'm writing. It's a twist on Red Riding Hood, but I'm including at least two other fairy tales in it. I have read several versions of RRH, and seen a few too. I'm trying to write something completely original, but sometimes I feel like the story is too much like other versions of RRH. Is there any way I can be sure that it is completely original and not too much like other versions? It is based on the fairy tale, but I want it to be totally different than anything else I've read/seen.
    Also, with Red Riding Hood (I've named her Rosaly), I want her to be 'fierce' (for lack of a better word-she's a hunter in a really dangerous forest-the one with the wolf-to provide food, she helps defend herself and her Granny from attacks from the wolf {the wolf is NOT a werewolf}) but also funny, and when she decides she trusts someone she is really loyal and well, trusting of them. The only family she has left is her Granny, and she is strongly defensive of those she considers family/friends. However, I am having trouble showing all sides of her (complex) personality. Any advice???

    Just so you know, your books are amazing as are you! thank you for writing your blog and giving us advice and information to become better writers. I love reading it-the blog. The post about the publisher had me very excited(and I haven't even finished a book yet)that someone would be willing to do that for us teens.
    In one of your semi-recent posts, you asked if any of us were interested in writing poetry. I love to write poetry and stories. any advice you have on poetry would be great(since you asked). I do work on stories more than poetry, but I still like to write poetry sometimes.
    Questions-again: is it possible to be working on too many stories? I am working on several though there are two that I am mostly focused on (four that I am really trying to work with-there are some others but those four are what I usually work on, but there are two who I work on more than the other two). but then sometimes one of the stories I haven't worked on in a while will pop a new idea and then there are more that I am working on. Or I will suddenly get a new idea and then leave off the others. I want to really focus on and finish some of my stories (which I hope will one day be books as good as your's). Should I put some stories to the side and only focus on one or two? What happens if I do put everything bu one or two to the side and then get another idea? Do I keep working on those, or do I work on my new idea and put off the others? any advice would be awesome!
    thanks so much!!!

    Thanks for reading!
    Ellie Mayerhofer

    • carpelibris says:

      Ellie, I don't think there's such a thing as "completely original," and if there were, the story might be too alien to a reader's experience for them to relate to. Mixing fairy tales sounds like a fun way to make your story different and interesting. (In fact, I've tried it, and people seemed to enjoy it. I think the trick is to include a surprise whenever you think the reader might be assuming they know what comes next.

      An example inspired by your post, just for fun:

      "What have you got in the basket, little girl?" said the wolf.
      "Cakes and wine for my Granny," said Red. "And a cranked and loaded mini-crossbow that can punch through an oak tree at 100 yards. So I'd better not see you anywhere near Granny's cottage. Got it?"

      I think your story idea sounds really interesting, and a lot of fun.

    • writeforfun says:

      I'm frequently plagued with the worry that my ideas aren't original enough. There are themes, ideas, and structures that are so common it seems impossible to write anything original! But I think the fact that we're all so different is a big part of what makes things original. My mom's version of a story is so different from my dad's that it's almost hard to tell that they're the same story sometimes! It might make it tougher since you've seen and read so many other people's versions of the story, but you can still make it original. You should probably be careful of scenes that you liked in those versions that make you want to write your own version (I have a tendency to do that sometimes), but just as long as you aren't simply telling the exact same story that you just watched on TV, then you should be fine. And certainly, keeping it fresh and adding a twist just when the reader thinks they know what's coming is a great way to make your story original.

      As for your other question, Rosaly sounds like a very interesting character! It seems like you know her pretty well, too, which should really help you! If that's the case and you're just having trouble showing her personality, perhaps you're not taking advantage of the situations you're putting her in. Maybe you just need to stop and think, "In this situation, what side of herself is she showing? Is there a way I could slip in something that would show another part of her personality?" Maybe if you just analyze the situation before (or after, whichever works best for you)you put her in it, then you'll see a way to sneak in more personality. Or maybe you just don't know her well enough. If that's the case, maybe you should take the character Rosaly and put her in a bunch of different situations to see how she'll act. And of course, filling out the questionaire in Gail's "Writing Magic" book helps a TON!

      As for working on too many stories at once, my personal experience has been that if I'm working on more than two, I can't seem to finish any of them. If working on that many at a time works for you, then it's fine, but if you find it too hard to focus on, then maybe you should write notes or summaries or random scenes or whatever, but not really write "stories" until your current ones are done. Just a though. I have a document like that called "Crazy Ideas" That's where I write all the junk I want about not-really-stories.

    • gailcarsonlevine says:

      I think you may be passing judgment way way way too early! Stick with any of your ideas and refuse to listen to yourself when you think there's something wrong or it's boring. Encouragement from any other NaNoWriMo's?

    • Agnes says:

      Dont worry about your story's merit, instead think,"can I get this story long enough to meet my goal"? Remember that NaNo's websites always say "quantity over quality". Normally this is a bad strategy, but NaNoWriMo is not normal writing!
      If this feels horribly WRONG, you are not alone!

      On another note, always, always, keep your your story going, if you get stuck write five ways you could keep it going, write FIVE even if you are saying to yourself, " this is the stupidest idea I have ever heard". Choose the best(or easier) idea and use it, repeat whenever your stuck.
      Good luck! PS my username is Senga, on the young writers program.

    • Kathryn Briggs says:

      Sorry I deleted that comment, bt I put false info on it. I finished two days ago with a count of 20, 036! I am really happy, although my origanal goal at the start of the month was 30,000 (At the start of september I even thought I was going to write 50,000!), but I decided, as I have never written a story over twenty pages, that I should cut myself some slack. I had no idea Nanowrimo was so hard! I have never really had in-between writing story writers block, only when I am starting, but I am so glad it is over!
      I based my story on 'The Snow Queen', and I named it Eternity, after the word Kay can't make. Thanks, this blog helped me get through so mcuh of it!
      P.S. How many words is your shortest Princess tale?

  12. carpelibris says:

    Agnes has nailed it. Just keep writing, even if you think it's total garbage. My "NaNo winning novel" from years ago actually included stuff like this:
    "Time for another authorial interjection! If there's one thing I've learned about National Novel Writing Month, I learned that while it may be a great way to produce words and to learn how to write without being afraid of the blank page, the actual text is a lesson on how not to do it. Don't try this at home, kids. It's far too tempting to pad the manuscript, engage in long, wordy, long-winded descriptions, to resort to "as you know, Bob" explanation simply to increase the word count… not to mention pointless asides where the author talks to her audience for no good reason. I don't know if anything I'm producing here will turn out to be any good in the long run. I've got to admit though, it's kind of fun."

    Yeah, I cheated. 😉 I also named my villain Na No Wri Mo, so I'd add 4 words to my count every time I used his name. But DO try this at home, if you want to. It really was an educational experience, and "garbage bits" like that kept the words flowing.

  13. capng says:

    Yeah, I'm doing NaNo, too! Yesterday I wrote 3399 words. Whew. And yeah, if I don't know, say, the name of a place, I'll just write [insert whatever this place is called here] and shamelessly include that in my word count. I'm pasdebourree, by the way.

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