Name Dropping

On May 20, 2011, Jill wrote, ….Is it possible to say a name too many times? One of my biggest pet peeves is when writers use the same word too many times, so I am really conscientious about it when I am writing. I was just now writing and realized I was using one of the character’s names a lot to avoid using the pronoun too many times. How can I avoid this?

Then bluekiwii wrote, @ Jill
    I read somewhere that words such as “she”, “he”, or “I” tend to be invisible–which means that when readers read them they don’t tend to notice them. I normally use names when using the pronouns would be too confusing (like when two women are having a conversation). Does this help? It had never occurred to me that saying a name too many times would be annoying to read, but, on reflection, I agree. It will also be a useful device to use on a specific character to make him appear obnoxious.

And Jenna Royal wrote, I definitely have a problem with using he, she and it. I know they become invisible to the reader, but as the writer they really bother me. I find myself inserting the words “the girl” or “the boy” or “the woman” a lot, which I don’t really like either. It’s not the right voice for my stories, and it’s kind of jarring. I guess I will just have to get brave and use the pronouns. 🙂

I googled but couldn’t find anything I could quote about the invisibility of pronouns. I did find a blog post in which the author opined that good writing is invisible, that the reader should be so lost in a story that the words disappear, which I half agree with and half don’t. When the writing is stunning I am sometimes aware of it even if I’m engrossed in the action.

By stunning I don’t mean the author is using exalted language. The words may be everyday, but they’re perfect in the moment. A character says something simple but surprising, exactly what she would say. A detail is revealed in a character’s bedroom, and it’s the right detail. There are many, but a few young adult and children’s book writers who jump to mind for great writing are Sharon Creech, Laurie Halse Anderson, Kimberly Willis Holt, and of course my friend Joan Abelove.

If I reread a book, when I’m no longer so worried about what’s going to happen next, then I’m likely to notice the writing.

I also notice when the writing is annoying, and annoying sometimes means confusing, which can happen in a scene when I don’t know which character a pronoun represents.

Referring to characters often feels awkward to me, too. When I have a character who has a title and a name, I vary their use, referring to him sometimes by name, sometimes by title, and, when it’s clear, by pronoun. In A Tale of Two Castles the ogre’s name is Count Jonty Um. I refer to him by turns as he, the count, His Lordship, and, at the beginning of the novel when I want to establish firmly what he is in the reader’s mind, the ogre. Often doing this feels mechanical, and I don’t know whether or not it reads smoothly. But I don’t like the alternative of sticking to just the name and pronoun. I guess I agree that a name can be overused.

And, as I think about it, I do believe the pronoun disappears, which may make it the best choice as long as you’re sure the reader will understand who is meant and isn’t going to forget the character’s name.

The charm of writing scenes with the dragon Meenore is that IT keeps ITs gender secret, so it’s an IT. Ordinarily in scenes involving three characters there have to be two of one sex, but if Meenore is among them and there’s a male and a female, no problem! I capitalize IT because, while there’s no danger of mixing IT up with another character, a small i t IT can be confused with a chair or a rock!

First person has a similar effect. The narrator is I, and so you can include a male and female character in a scene without activating the pronoun problem. With Elodie as I and Masteress Meenore as IT, I can crowd in two more characters and be home free.

Of course, we don’t structure our scenes around pronouns. When a scene calls for two or more same-sex characters, we write it with clarity and name repetition as needed. Story needs trump pronoun considerations.

I question using “the woman,” “the man,” which Jenna Royal wondered about. I think those expressions may distance the reader from the story. Naturally you can do it if distancing is the effect you’re going for, which is valid. But if you’re not, and you want the reader fully engaged, I say repetition of name or pronoun is the lesser evil.

What I really dislike, especially in a story for kids, is when a writer alternates the name and the pronoun with “the little girl” or “the little boy.” The reader, presumably, is a little boy or girl, and the description seems condescending as well as distancing. In my opinion, the writer of a children’s book should be inhabiting a child’s point of view and those terms make me doubt that’s happening.

Pity the poor Finns, who have no masculine or feminine pronouns! Everyone is it. I spoke to a person at a Finnish publisher who told me that translators from other languages do resort to “the man” or “the woman” for clarity. And I don’t know what happens in languages where objects have gender. La plume (the pen) is female in French, and the pronoun is elle, same as for a woman. Oy!

In dialogue, it’s nice when you can eliminate the need for names or pronouns entirely here and there. I discuss this a little on the blog and even more in Writing Magic. If the reader knows who’s speaking, no identification is needed. In A Tale of Two Castles, for example, the princess says La! a lot, and she’s the only one who does it. Another character characteristically says By thunder, and he’s the only one who does it. When the reader sees La! he knows the speaker is Princess Renn, and when he sees By thunder, he knows it’s the cook, Jak. In the Disney Fairies books the character Rani finishes people’s sentences for them. When the reader sees this, he knows the speaker is Rani. Of course, you can overdo this. If Jak said By thunder every time he spoke, the reader soon would wish lightning would strike him.

Melissa asked what I’ve been doing at my summer workshop, and I’ll answer in a future post, but the first of these prompts was adapted from prompts I gave the kids. Write your stories or scenes in third person and go on at least long enough to have to make decisions about repeating names and using pronouns. (Naturally, if you like, finish the story or the novel or the series.)

•    Carl, who doesn’t like to share, possesses something that’s very precious to him, something that can have magical properties – or not. You decide. His three friends, Tomasina, Max, and Wendy, want it. The four are at a local park. Write what happens, including action and dialogue.

•    Beauty is visiting home from her Beast’s castle. As in the fairytale, her older sisters are jealous and want to keep her from returning. The three are in their father’s modest parlor. Write what happens.

•    Three characters are around a campfire, conspiring to overthrow their king. The discussion isn’t going well, and one threatens to leave their group. They also hear noises in the woods. Write what happens.

Have fun, and save what you write!

35 Responses on “Name Dropping”

  2. lexabellaliar says:

    Great post, Ms. Levine, as always!

    I hate it when I find myself describing characters

    "She had blonde hair and…."

    "She also had blue eyes…"

    "She wore…."

    And I end up having to go back and change 'she' to 'Jill'….

    ~Lexa

  3. Jenna Royal says:

    Thank you for answering this question! It's a tough subject . . . I can't imagine writing a book in a language with no feminine/masculine pronouns, or translating from it to another language. It sounds horribly difficult. I don't really like using 'the man,' 'the woman,' etc. Like you said, it's really distanced. I want people to slip into my characters easily, really feel for them, and distancing is not the effect I want to have.

    It's fun to come up with character's frequently used words and speaking tendencies, but you have to be careful not to force it. It's a problem I have, coming up with something like that and using it over-frequently for a span of, say, 50 pages, and then never using it again. You have to be moderate and consistent for it to work.

    You mentioned some really stunning authors. I've never read Kimberly Willis Holt or Joan Abelove, but I'd agree about Sharon Creech and Laurie Halse Anderson – they're both awesome! I'd also add Natalie Babbitt and Eloise Jarvis McGraw to that list. They're really stunning, too, and their books are great reads.

  4. lexabellaliar says:

    I have a short hardy on about copying if you have the time?

    One superhero is named Doppleganger, a name I googled out of curiosity, and found Doppleganger was a villain in the Marvel universe.

    Their's has six arms, and looks like Spiderman, and is male. Mine is a hero, a female, has different powers, and is human.

    Is is copying, if I didn't know another Doppleganger existed before now?

  5. gailcarsonlevine says:

    lexabellaliar–Doppelganger (slight spelling difference) is a word, so you're free to use it as a name. I suggest you look it up because the definition may affect whether or not you decide to use it – and for the sake of knowing a new word!

  7. Rina says:

    My funniest trouble with names is, when I'm reading a close-third or first-person book, I tend to half-forget the main character's name. Especially, for some reason, when I read Robin Mckinley's books – she loves using "she" instead of the narrator's name, so I don't always even think of them by their name.

    By which same token – if I write a short story of three to seven pages, how can I tell everyone my first-person narrator's name? How can I keep them remembering it? Or am I the only one who worries about this?

  9. gailcarsonlevine says:

    From the website:

    Are character quirks in speech allowed? I have a character that says "So." after every sentence, and another who calls everyone 'darling'. Would these be too annoying and complicated for the reader?

    ~Many Thanks, Janet
    Janet van Dyne

  10. Rina says:

    Lacey – once I did that on purpose.

    Janet – I think small quirks like that are okay. If they would go "um" every other word, or exclaim Great Jumping Barnacles every few sentences, then I might get annoyed. But the ones you said sound all right. At least, they wouldn't bother me.

  11. gailcarsonlevine says:

    From the website:

    Anybody else doing NaNoWriMo this year? I am so looking forward to it! Mrs. Levine, have you ever done NaNoWriMo (national novel writing month)?

    Oh, and also, I was wondering how old you have to be to publish a book. I'd just like to know if, if somehow I wrote a good enough novel, I'd actually be able to publish it or if that's not possible. Does it depend on the publishing company or something?
    Elizabeth

  12. gailcarsonlevine says:

    Also from the website:

    Great post! I've wondered about that lots of times before, and, as always, you helped clear it up for me!

    Of course, I have another question, as usual, but before I get started, this is not a question to see who’s “right” and who’s “wrong” I just wanted your opinion on it. You see, I have a writing buddy who pretty much skims along the narration in her book and just keeps moving on with the action; I, on the other hand, spend paragraphs talking about how what someone or something looks like or what my MC thinks of them, and all sorts of details like that. In critiquing each other, she has commented that she gets “a little bored” with my descriptions and details, while I tend to get a bit confused when things happen so quickly in hers – which leads me to ask; which do you like better – long and detailed or vague and quick-paced? Do you think I should drop some of the descriptions and reflections, or keep them?
    Emma

  14. gailcarsonlevine says:

    Elizabeth–Age isn't a factor in a publishing decision.

    Emma–Sounds like you and your writing buddy can really help each other – or you can't work together at all. If the narration lacks tension, that can be a problem. Likewise if the action hurtles along without establishing setting and character.

  15. Caitlyn says:

    I have the pronoun problem a lot. In my current story, there is at least one scene with seven characters (four men, three women). That can get complicated, but I also think you can get away with using their names more often since there are so many of them.

    Janet- I think quirky speech can go a long way to making characters memorable and individual.

    Elizabeth- I know of at least two authors who were published as teenagers. The more famous is Christopher Paulini (Eragon), the other is Cayla Kluver (Legacy), an author I stumbled on at the library. I'm sure there are several more I don't know about.

    Emma- I tend to prefer something in the middle, where narration and action are balanced.

    Sorry, I deleted because I said "preposition" instead of "pronoun."

  17. gailcarsonlevine says:

    From the website:

    It's me again 🙂 So I'm figuring out the plot for my novel. It's from the view of two people and they each have their own story line but they meet together in the end. One of the characters may have to die at the end because a spell that's been keeping her alive must be erased. Is there any way you can think of to keep her alive? I want her dreams to be fulfilled, too.
    Elizabeth

  19. UrkedKitten says:

    @Elizabeth-Maybe there is another spell that will keep her alive. I suggest you read the Inkheart trilogy by Cornelia Funke, because she deals with a lot of magic in her books. I would like to ask you not to copy, but that might give you some ideas.

  20. gailcarsonlevine says:

    From the website:

    Thanks UrkedKitten and Mrs. Levine for your suggestions on the blog–I came up with a idea that not only solves that problem, but solves another issue with the novel I've been working on.
    Elizabeth

  22. Jenna Royal says:

    @Emma – I agree with Caitlyn, I tend to prefer something in the middle. A balanceis best – just one or the other tends to be frustrating. I tend to shift between one and the other throughout different scenes in my stories, and it's tough to find the balance.

    Also, does anybody have any advice on researching for historical fiction? I'm beginning to realize I have no clue what I'm doing . . .

  23. gailcarsonlevine says:

    Jenna Royal–I'm not an expert, but I've written one historical novel, DAVE AT NIGHT. I'm adding your question to my list, but in the meanwhile I suggest you look at my post of May 26, 2010, called Fantastical Research.

  24. gailcarsonlevine says:

    From the website:

    Hi, I've commented here before- I love your books! I have two quick questions, though.
    1- Where do you write? Virginia Woolf famously said it's important to have a room of one's own… how do you arrange your supplies, do you write indoors or outdoors? I'd like to know.
    2- What supplies do you use? Do you write first drafts longhand,or do you type them? What journals and pens do you use?
    Thanks,
    Squid, writer;-)

  26. gailcarsonlevine says:

    From the website:

    I've got a question–hopefully one to add to the list, but I'd love if the commenters could weigh in as well.
    I've got the plot set down pretty well in the novel I'm working on, but what I'm having trouble with is the world itself. It's fantasy, and it's set in a world other than this one, and I don't want it to come off quite as modern as our world–eg. skyscrapers, cars, etc. But there are some modern aspects that I do want to use–eg. Polaroids but not digital cameras, flashlights but not streetlights, pianos and acoustic guitars but not keyboards and electrics, trains but not cars, etc. And there are also period aspects that aren't necessary to get into, such as how people wash their clothes or go to the bathroom, which are never significant to the story, but I feel I have to put in anyway because I know I'm wondering how these things work, though I don't remember ever wondering that when reading any other book.
    Is it okay to have only some modern inventions, and even them more in the background? Or do I need some major reason why there aren't highways and a million electric appliances–like how in Harry Potter they explain that Muggle inventions tend to "go haywire" around heavy concentrations of magic, which is why there are no computers or electric lights at Hogwarts?

    I'm not sure I've phrased the question properly. does that make sense?
    Charlotte

  29. gailcarsonlevine says:

    More from the website:

    @ Vi- Viper will only be a Mary-Sue if everyone worships her, and you keep on pushing on the other characters and the reader how wonderful she is. I've read a few novels where I began to resent the MC, a Mary Sue, because she bests my favorite character at everything.

    ~Sophy

  30. gailcarsonlevine says:

    More:

    @Charlotte–It's difficult to put modern inventions in your world but not ALL modern inventions or all the modern inventions from a certain period of time. My suggestion is that you put in magical devices that function like the modern inventions but aren't EXACTLY the same. Good luck! 🙂
    Elizabeth

  31. gailcarsonlevine says:

    And more:

    Hello,Ms. Gail :-),your last two post have been very helpful to me. I really love your idea about using your blog for writting advice =). I do have one question though. I'm having some difficulty showing romance in my story,I mean like I can easily show that they like each other,but it's kind of difficult to decide when it happens and all that. How do I decide when its right to show it?
    Thank-you Ms. Levine :-)!!!!!
    M.K.B.

  33. Jenna Royal says:

    @Ms. Levine – thanks. It was helpful. 🙂

    @Charlotte – since it's a world other than this one, I don't think it's necessary to have a major reason. These things never existed, and especially if you're writing in first person POV, your narrator will never have even heard of the technologies. It might help to look at the history of different inventions to help you clarify the things in your world. Trains existed before cars, so that's not a problem realistically. Same with acoustic vs. electric. I'm not sure about the flashlight/streetlights thing, because there were streetlights before flashlights. You might want to add a brief, subtle explanation for that one, though it's entirely up to you.

    You might want to consider basing it loosely on a specific time period, with a few minor adjustments to suit your story. Just imagining as you go would probably work , too, just so long as it's realistic and not too confusing. Your ideas sound really cool. So often fantasies are mideavel sort of thing (which I love), but variety is really cool. Good luck with it!

    (I deleted the last comment because I missed a couple typos)

  34. marveloustales says:

    I never really thought about this question, of over-name-using before, but then I was reading a book a few days ago that thoroughly convinced me it can be a problem. It used a character's name about twelve times in a single paragraph–and it was a two-part name, like "Anna Marie" that just made it feel even more repetitive.

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