On May 13, 2011, bluekiwii wrote, ….I often have the problem that I concentrate solely on one character as I do a scene and the result is that I often neglect the other characters in the scene –making his/her speech patterns, overall behavior, and, well, “character” inconsistent. This often happens because I’m so in tune with the main character’s mind-set, that I sort of forget the mind processes that the characters reacting to the MC have. How do guys avoid this?
In A Tale of Two Castles, the ogre Count Jonty Um is usually with his dog Nesspa, who’s important to the story, but, since this isn’t a talking-animal tale, he doesn’t speak. As I wrote I tended to forget the dog was there, and the reader would forget, too. Then, when he comes into the action, the reader has to leave the story for a moment to think, Nesspa? Then the reader may page back to make sure Nesspa was in the scene to begin with. By that time the reader is feeling sleepy or hungry or checking to see what her own dog is doing, and the book is closed to be picked up later or never again.
The solution was to cause a refrain to go through my head as I wrote and as I revised. Where’s Nesspa? When did I mention him last? Put him in. Put him in. Put him in.
Since he doesn’t talk, I needed other ways to bring him forward. Count Jonty Um, who loves him, could look around for him. Elodie, my POV character, could think about him or make sure he isn’t putting his nose where his nose shouldn’t be. Somebody could give him a command or say something else to him. Or he could bark, snuffle, whine, put his head in somebody’s lap. When you write this kind of situation, your mentions can and probably should be short, but a page shouldn’t go by without one.
In Beloved Elodie which I’m working on now, Count Jonty Um himself is the problem. In A Tale of Two Castles, he’s central to the action so he never fades into the background. But in the new book he’s not the focus and he does tend to disappear, for all he’s eleven feet tall. Trouble is, he’s shy and not talkative; he can speak, but he rarely does. I have to treat him almost as if he’s a dog, give him actions, have Elodie think about him, have a character speak to him or ask him a question, forcing him to speak.
I’ve decided to intersperse chapters here and there from other characters’ POV, including Count Jonty Um’s. One reason for doing this is to bring the ogre more to the fore. If I’m writing from his POV the reader hears his thoughts.
If you neglect characters in a scene, you keep happy accidents from happening. Let’s say the star of a scene is Harlin, who, along with his friends, Jana and Sylvie, is in the wizard Florian’s stronghold and meeting the wizard for the first time. Florian has been causing havoc in the friends’ home town: tornados, spontaneous fires, rampaging bears on Main Street. The friends have designated Harlin as their spokesman. The temptation will be to focus on Harlin and the wizard, but if we do, we may not give Jana a chance to surreptitiously lift the edge of a wall hanging and see a secret door behind it. We may not be aware that Sylvie thinks Harlin is bungling things, and she’s getting angrier and angrier until she has to burst into speech. Maybe she provokes Florian into revealing something he doesn’t want to tell.
Part of the solution to bringing your secondaries in is mechanical, merely a matter of reminding yourself until it’s automatic that there are four people in the scene, and all of them have thoughts, feelings, actions. Although you don’t have direct access to your non-POV characters’ thoughts and feelings, your main can guess at them or they can express them in dialogue and action. So, get a reminder refrain going as I do, both while you write and as you revise.What’s doing with my secondaries? What are they doing, thinking, feeling, saying?
The rest of the solution is to ask yourself questions about your subordinate characters, to get interested in them in this scene in which they aren’t the most important actors. How does Jana react when Florian pulls out his wand? Why is Sylvie crossing her arms? What got Florian muttering in a language nobody else understands?
You might try recasting your scene, just in your notes, not in the ongoing story. In my example, I’d make Jana the main for the purposes of the exercise. She might be the one to speak to Florian, or, Harlin may still be the speaker, but the scene is told by Jana, focusing on what she notices and thinks and feels. Then you can write it again from Sylvie’s POV and Florian’s. When you have all four versions, you can roll them together, probably omitting a lot from Jana, Sylvie, and Florian, but still coming up with a more rounded whole.
And, as always, it can be helpful to have someone read your scene and say if your secondary characters seem to disappear and where that happens. This someone may also see opportunities to show them off.
Alas, I have the opposite problem, a tendency to let my secondaries steal the show. In Fairest, for example, I became fascinated by Queen Ivi and Skulni, the being in the mirror. I wrote scenes for them that had no place in the story, and when they were in scenes with my main, Aza, I gave them too much attention. The manuscript called forth an eighteen page, single-spaced letter from my editor, much of which was about the pages and entire chapters I should cut – sections I had spent months writing.
The downside, of course, is the wasted time and energy. The upside is that I got to know these intriguing characters, and they live for me outside the book that got published. (Too bad for the reader!) Often my side characters are even more interesting than my main, who has to be sympathetic and normal enough for the reader to identify with. There’s no restriction on secondary characters; they can be wild, eccentric, downright peculiar. If you let them breathe and expand in the scenes they’re in, they may dazzle you with their exotic natures.
Here are a few prompts:
• Write four versions of the scene with Harlin, Jana, Sylvie, and wizard Florian, one from the POV of each. Then write a composite scene in third-person omniscient. Decide which you like best. Rewrite your pick so that your main is dominant but the others also shine.
• Write the story “Snow-White and Rose-Red” from the point of view of the bear. Then write it from the point of view of the dwarf. (If you don’t know this fairy tale, I found a synopsis on Wikipedia.)
• Write the scene in Pride and Prejudice in which Elizabeth first meets Wickham from Wickham’s POV. And/or write the dance scene in which Elizabeth first meets Darcy from the POV of Elizabeth’s friend Charlotte. And/or pick a scene in a different book you know well and write it from the POV of any side character.
Have fun, and save what you write!
gailcarsonlevine says:
I'm hoping some of you have suggestions for Allie, who wrote to me on the website. I have no ideas for her. My college days were an age ago, and I have no connection with any university now. Here's her post:
….I really want to be a writer when I become an adult, and so I've been trying to find the right college for me, one that has a good writers' degree, and also has a good degree for another job (although I'm still not sure what I should do for that yet). Does anyone have any suggestions for all-around good colleges in the US that I could go to for pretty much anything?
~Allie
Audrey T. Carroll says:
I'm a senior at Susquehanna University. There's a Creative Writing major and minor (I'm a major), and you get exposed to everything from fiction to poetry to nonfiction. The school's writing program is really, really strong, and Susquehanna also has very strong teaching, music, and business programs, and a diverse spectrum of majors and minors (50+ of them if my math is correct). In fact, there is a specially designed Creative Writing-Education double major if you're looking to double in something more "practical". You can check out the website here: http://www.susqu.edu/ There's also a "Writing Action Day." Not sure how close you are to applying to colleges, but it's on October 3rd this year if you'd like to look into it. I hope that helps!
Caitlyn says:
@Alli – likely any large state colleges will have a variety of strong programs, with the added benefit of less expensive tuition if you go to school in your home state. Do you want a degree in creative writing or journalism? Not every school will have a creative writing undergrad, though you may be able to get a degree in English or Humanities with a creative writing emphasis. The nice thing about writing and college is that no matter what you study, you'll write A LOT, so you'll get better even if writing isn't your focus. Try a google search for "creative writing BA" to get started.
Ok, and this is getting long, but I thought of something I wish I'd done. You might want to check and see if any of your favorite authors also teach college classes; maybe you want to go where they teach. Two of mine do that I know of (one at the college I went to, but I didn't read anything by him until after I graduated! AH!).
By the way, college is awesome! Enjoy it!
marveloustales says:
I love this discussion–disappearing secondaries (or maybe I should say, tertiaries) is a big issue for me too. I like dialogue, so as long as I have two characters together, I'm fine–they talk to each other. But when I have three or four, someone often ends up hanging out with nothing to say, and I suddenly realize they haven't been heard from in three pages, even though they're standing right there.
I really like the idea of having the primary character thinking about/looking at/physically interacting with the more quiet secondary character. I can keep them in the narration that way, even if the two main characters are dominating the conversation.
Not to mention, it says something about the primary character, if Julie is talking to Jasper but looking at Tom. Ooh, I feel like I have a whole new aspect of relationship-development to play with now…brilliant!
UrkedKitten says:
Thank you Jenna Royal for your advice!
@Ms. Levine- I read a series of books where every time you make a decision an alternate dimension opens where you made the other decision. I think it would be cool to write a book based solely on one decision, then write it as if the character hadn't made that decision.
bluekiwii says:
@ Ms. Levine
Thanks for this post! It was very helpful.
I've read your comment on previous post and thanks for putting the question on the list. I'll read the section you mentioned till then.
@ Allie
The following colleges have some type of writing degree (examples English w/ or w/o Creative Writing concentration or Creative Writing Major). They also offer intensive publishing certificate programs, if you want a career in book publishing that isn't as an author (like editors and so on). Experts from the industry serve as faculty and job fairs are attended by most major publishing houses. There also many other majors to choose from (but I'm not sure you can double major):
City College of New York
Columbia University
New York University
Pace University
University of Denver
Ruthie says:
I have a question, if you have time?
You've mentioned a couple times that you should be able to condense the main idea of your story into a sentence or two, but my story is told by a cohort of secondary characters, and each one sort of has their own side to the main story. They each find their own meanings and see different parts of events. This means that almost any mini-summary I wrote of my story could find contradiction in at least one of my characters. Does this mean that my story is too complicated and I should narrow my focus, or am I just not finding the right way to summarize?
Grace says:
This was a great post because I have a severe problem with this.
The novel I'm editing with my critique group right now is told from limited 3rd person of a 17-year-old guy. Another character is his 8- year- old sister who is with him in nearly every scene because he's pretty much her sole caretaker. The people in my critique group kept reminding me that I needed to add the sister back into my scenes, because even I would forget she was there. I wanted to focus so much on my MC's internal conflict or his relationship with another character that I'd forget that his sister was there the whole time. Or I'd have her say something and the reader would be sharply reminded that she is still in the room. Or I'd have her run off somewhere just for the sake of getting rid of her so I didn't have to deal with her (which everyone told me I needed to stop doing).
So this will help A LOT because as you can tell; I have some serious issues with it.
I have a quick question for anyone who cares to answer. So I've come up with a plot for the novel I'm going to write for NaNoWriMo this year and I realize that the best way to tell the story would most likely be from 1st person PoV- something I've never done before. All my other novel-length projects have always been from limited 3rd or omniscient 3rd. But I see no better way than to tell this story than from 1st PoV. Does anyone have any quick tips or advice for me, because I'm a bit nervous that my attempts at 1st PoV are going to turn out horridly…
@ Ruthie, my advice would be to look at each character and assess them. Are they really important to the plot overall? Would the reader care about them? What is the purpose of their story/PoV? Could their sections of PoV easily be deleted with no repercussions to the overall story? If the character isn't that important or their story isn't, then it might be best to delete them. Hope this helps 🙂
Thanks for the post, Mrs. Levine 🙂
lexabellaliar says:
I have a question about villainy that I can't seem to find answers about anywhere else.
I am currently writing a story about superheroes, and there is a team of villains called 'The Eye' (name under construction—taking suggestions :P). One of the members is Kathryn, called Albina, who is a mutant and has superpowers. She has a sister,Elle, who looks like a mutant but has no superpowers. Since Elle is only sixteen and an orphan, she is under the care of Albina, and therefore in The Eye.
But Elle doesn't have any powers, so she doesn't actually DO anything bad. She never takes part in planning or carrying out the evil deeds The Eye comes up with, so I'm scared readers will start to pity Elle (as she has a repuation to be Albina's punching bag) or think that she is good, when she isn't. She isn't and will not turn good.
How can I write Elle, not as a pitiable character or a character only bad because her sister's in charge, but as someone who really has no interest in helping the good guys? She isn't a MC but says/does some important things.
~Lexa
gailcarsonlevine says:
From the website:
Fantastic post, Gail, as always. As with just about everything else in writing, I struggle with this one!
To Ruthie, you said that all the characters have their own side to the main story. Is it possible to summarize the main story without all the different takes? If the main story isn't too confusing then, in my opinion, I think it's fine to tell it from different angles – actually, I love it when books do that! I like comparing peoples' opinions!
To Lexabellaliar,I just wanted to suggest that if Elle really is evil, you should maybe show the reader somewhere in the story how unlikable she is. Maybe make her mean to others, or completely not-compassionate, like she's completely un-bothered by it when, let's say, hundreds of people are killed in a plot by the Eye. If it's possible, you may give her at least a small superpower. I generally feel sorry for the characters who get "left out" of things like that.Or you might make a scene where she considers how nice it would be if the good guys were destroyed or something like that. Just my thoughts.
Emma
gailcarsonlevine says:
No significance to removing the post. I just failed to notice a typo.
Ruthie–I'm with Emma. I suspect you haven't figured out how to express your plot briefly, and you don't need to. And I'm not even certain a summary has to be brief. If your story works, it works.
Lexabellaliar–I agree with Emma again, except I have no idea whether or not Elle should have a superpower.
Chicory says:
It's going to be fun seeing some things from other viewpoints in Beloved Elodie -especially Elodie herself. That's what I love most when people switch viewpoints; getting to see favorite characters from outside themselves.
Chicory says:
Grace, you asked for advice on first-person. One thing I find really helpful is to give my narrator lots of opinions and then have him or her say them right out to the reader -not in a `dear reader' speech, just in a `thinking out loud' sort of way. That keeps me from forgetting that I'm always in the character's head -that everything that happens is what she/he experiences.
Jenna Royal says:
Wow, I needed this post – I've been struggling with having too many characters being forgotten in my dialogue scenes. I think I might end up dumping some, but this will help with the rest.
@Ruthie – A lot of my stories can't be summarized in just a couple sentences, but I have a tendency to be wordy, too. 🙂 I agree with Ms. Levine – if you can summarize a basic similarity of theme, fine, and if not, I wouldn't worry about it. But that's just me.
Also, I have a quick question of my own on a semi-related topic. I had a great idea for a historical fiction novel, which I've never tried before. I've been messing with tenses, and the only one that really feels right is present tense. Is it okay to write a historical book in present tense? It seems really unusual, and possibly difficult to read. And thoughts would be awesome!
Unknown says:
I don't know where my last post went and as I said before I don't know what I'm doing. But I still want to know what your doing at your summer workshop. Or if you could tell me some of the homework you gave the kids. Hopefully I can find your answer this time.
melissa says:
My name is Melissa not Unknown…
lexabellaliar says:
Thanks, Emma and Ms. Levine!
To be honest, Elle doesn't have a superpower because that would involve me also giving her a costume and a name, and if she had that it would kind of defeat the whole purpose of her being Albina's sister.
~ Lexa
gailcarsonlevine says:
Grace–You may slip right into first, but if you don't you can try writing in limited third and then "translate" what you have into first.
Jenna Royal–I think it should work if the present-tense language doesn't feel contemporary.
Melissa–I'm adding your question to my list. I'll be happy to share what I've been doing this summer.
Ruthie says:
Lexabellaliar–I'll try to reassess my characters to see if they're necessary. I've sort of been putting it off because I suspect that I'll find a few that aren't and I'm too much of a wimp to get rid of them (not my preciousses!)
Emma and Gail–thanks for the advice; hopefully my story is not so tangled that I won't be able to pull out the main plot line. And I'm so glad that someone else likes stories with several points of view. I'm worried that I may just be subconsciously indulging my desire to spawn enough characters to populate a continent.
Grace says:
Thanks for the tips everyone!
@JennaRoyal
That actually sounds really cool, I would highly enjoy reading a historical fiction in present tense- I say to go for it 🙂
bluekiwii says:
@Lexabellaliar
From what I understand in your explanation, Elle doesn't actively take part in the evil organization and ends up being mistreated by her caretaker. Yet she has no interest in helping the good guys and she isn't a good person. What will the best way to portray Elle?
Well, the first thing that comes to mind is to give her opportunities to show that she would never be one of the good guys. Maybe one of the heroes could trust her and try to help her—because they thinking she is a victim, a sympathizer to their cause, and the weak link of The Eye to exploit—and when she destroys their expectations (in a spectacularly villainy way), it shows to the readers that she is not as good a person as they thought.
Also, I think its a good idea of thinking of foils, which are essentially any type of settings, things, or characters that are opposite to Elle's character as possible (think ying and yang). By showing that other characters/things have qualities she is missing, her own semi-evil character can pop. An example would be to have Elle interact with a normal, good, and helpful person. The person may be cheerful, popular, have a huge family, and make friends easily. Elle befriends this type of person in order to deceive or manipulate her or some other forms of ill-intent.
The main idea is to give her opportunities to show the other side of her character. You can also use diary entries and rumors to betray her true character. Even though she seems weak, there are stories circulating of the bad things she has done. Maybe another character fears her or hates her. You can use other characters opinions to taint the image of her by the reader, so they can suspect something is not quite right with her, before she actually does anything.
Hope this helps! It was fun thinking of ideas. Your story sounds interesting.
Jenna Royal says:
@Ms. Levine and Grace – thanks!