New on my website: an audio clip of me reading the third chapter of Writing Magic, the chapter called “Shut Up!”
On April 22, 2011, Mya wrote, “….I’ve had a few incidents happen in my life that are definitely out of the ordinary, and involve love.=) I’m just dying to pen it down, but I wonder how I should do so, without making it obviously similar to what really happened, so that I don’t feel like I’m offending the other people’s privacy. Any help?=)
Opinions differ.
Say, for instance, in real life Ira kissed Ondine tentatively, a quick peck. Ondine set down her big purple pocketbook for a longer, more satisfying meeting of the lips. Just as her arms went around Ira’s neck, a three-legged dog ran off with the purse and a chase through Riverfront Park ensued. Later that night, Ondine told her friend Priscilla the whole story, which ended with the recovery of the purse but no more kisses.
If Priscilla asks and gets permission from Ira and Ondine to write the incident down, even to post it on her blog, she’s home free, even if Ira’s father isn’t happy when he happens to read the post. But if she posts the story, names included, without asking, I say it’s an invasion of privacy, whether or not Ondine explicitly said the anecdote was confidential.
However, some believe that the price of friendship or even family connection with a writer is the chance of being exposed in print. Writers write, so this reasoning goes, and everything is fodder.
Now let’s say Priscilla loves the anecdote and she’s a writer but also a loyal friend. She lets a year go by then writes a short story that revolves around this incident, but she changes the names of the characters. The story is one of her best and it’s published in a magazine neither Ira nor Ondine or any of their friends or relatives ever read.
Is this okay?
I’m not sure. I think so, as long as the names were changed. It’s certainly fine if Priscilla calls Ira Anthony and Ondine Sonya and she has Sonya kiss Anthony first, and Anthony sets down his Moroccan leather briefcase, which is taken by a three-legged coyote on 169th Street in New York City. Priscilla has definitely changed enough, more than enough, to protect the privacy of the real players.
A few weeks ago I attended a reunion for retirees of a place where I used to work. I was the youngest one there and I’m not young, and some of it made me sad, so afterward I wrote a poem in which I changed the names and a few details but not many. I think it’s a good poem, and I may send it out to see if anybody wants to publish it. No one who was there will read it, and even if they did, I doubt they’d mind.
In Priscilla’s case, she may have improved the story by altering it, which often happens. You cast about for ways to change the events without losing their essence and ideas pop up that add interest. Sometimes the essence actually becomes more concentrated. Real life meanders. Fiction is tighter.
You can also combine true stories. Think about romantic moments in your life and in the lives of people you know. Ask your parents and other relatives about their dating days. Ask friends, teachers, librarians. List what you get and stare at the list. Maybe you’ve got these three among others: The first time Daryl met Frank he had a hamster poking out of his shirt pocket. Gene wouldn’t date Hester until she stopped smoking cigarettes. Joanne was on her way to meet Kenneth when her car got a flat and Leonard stopped to help her, and that was the beginning of their romance.
I’ve probably mentioned before that years ago I was asked to contribute to a book of memoirs by kids’ book writers about their grandmothers. I had only one since my father was an orphan, and I hated her. The editor said that was okay. So I used family history and added fictional elements, but before I went ahead I called her last living child, my uncle, the only one whose permission I felt counted. He said I could write whatever I wanted and added an anecdote or two to my collection. If he had asked me not to, however, I would have honored his wishes. The story was published in an anthology called In My Grandmother’s House, which is out of print but probably available online. Most of the pieces in it are about charming, cookie-baking grandmas.
My sister, who supplied the event that fuels the story, was delighted because I recaptured a long-ago place and time. In the writing, details came back to me that I’d forgotten.
Intention counts. I didn’t write the story to be mean or to hurt feelings. If you’re respecting the real life people, if you’re even honoring them, they’re likely to be pleased. They may feel important and be gratified that you paid attention. My friend Joan, who had a brain injury, likes it when I write a poem about her even when it reflects the downside of memory loss.
I’m not a memoirist, and even in the grandma book my contribution was fiction. If you’re writing about something that happened to you, if you’re not telling someone else’s story, I don’t know that you need to censor yourself at all. Let’s say, for instance, you’re writing about your tenth grade year when you had two boyfriends although they didn’t know about each other. Let’s say three years have passed since then but you still know both of them although neither is currently romantically involved with you. Well, you may want to consider the consequences of revealing your past double love life (they may be mad at you), but if you decide to go ahead I don’t think there are any moral impediments. It’s your life. You own the rights to it.
These prompts are based on the post.
∙ Inquire into the romantic pasts of people you know. Romance heightens memory, so you’ll probably hear funny and poignant stories. Cobble them together into a story of your own, changing the names and fictionalizing here and there.
∙ Use my invented anecdotes about Daryl, Frank, Gene, Hester, Joanne, Kenneth, and Leonard and weave them into a story.
∙ Priscilla posts Ondine’s story on her blog. Ondine is merely furious, but Ira, also a writer, is vengeful. Write what happens.
∙ There is nothing wrong with writing what you shouldn’t reveal if you don’t reveal it. Write solely for your own purposes a story you have no business sharing with anyone. If you feel like being mean, be mean. If you have feelings that might not meet with general approval, include them. Hide what you’ve written where it won’t be found but don’t destroy it. A day may come when no harm will be done by sharing. And you may want to look at it now and then.
Have fun, and save what you write!
Grace says:
Meg Cabot once said about her "Allie Finkle's Rules for Girls" series, that most of the events that happen to Allie in the books happened to her when she was a child. I thought that was interesting.
I have this idea of taking some things that happened to me when I was younger and writing it all down. Some of the things that have happened in my past would make for a great story. I think I'll follow your last prompt and maybe pen some of the events down. But only time and permission of others will tell if I ever share it…
Thanks for the post, Ms. Levine 🙂
SillyJaime says:
I love the last prompt. I think I'll do that later tonight. :]
gailcarsonlevine says:
From the website:
Ah, I've been wondering about this, too! There have been loads of things I see and hear and I'd just love to expand them in a book. I guess it actually is rather hazardous to be around a writer, huh? 😛
As for me, I think that it's all right to include day-to-day happenings that are generic enough to happen anywhere. It's just those specific unique ones that require permission.
And anyway, it's impossible to write without leaning on one's own emotions, I think. My main problem with my writing is that I rely too much on myself, so much so that the main characters always turn out to be too much like me in their reactions.
F
Thanks so much, Mrs. Levine, that really helps! Maybe all I needed was someone to tell me that she was wrong;-) I'm going to try to work up my courage to show some other people. Thanks again, and wish me luck!
Ashlyn
marveloustales says:
I love this third prompt! It reminds me of something in Brenda Ueland's book, So You Want to Write. She said that often we censor ourselves, especially writing about people, because we're trying to be nice. It can make for blah, boring writing. This last prompt sounds like a great way to break out of that tendency–and harmlessly!
April says:
I err on the side of caution in these instances. No matter who is involved, whether or not it happened to you or someone else, etc., privacy should be maintained (change of names, certain details, etc.). I have had things bite me in the butt one too many times, even when I thought I was safe.
If you're writing just for yourself and you're certain no one else will see it, of course censorship isn't needed… that's like a journal. But be careful what you do with the story, since it might not stay secret forever.
gailcarsonlevine says:
From the website:
Still can't post on the blog:(
So I've finished my novel and I've to shown it to some people and let them critique me. However, I've never been very good at taking criticism, and I'm having a hard time using their comments. It just sort of makes me queezy when someone says there's something I should change about my precious book, and I get so worried about what they say that I want to give up, or at best, overcorrect. I guess all I'm really asking is if you or the bloggers have any advice on accepting criticism and using to your advantage. Thanks!
Ella
Ella–I'm adding your question to my list. Does anyone have any thoughts for Ella in the meanwhile?
bluekiwii says:
@Ella
The best way to deal with criticism is to become the best critic of your own work. No one knows the story as well as the author–or at least no one should. Sure it's great to hear other's input but in the end you must pull out the advice out of the criticism and you must also decide whether taking the advice will harm your story or not. An author should see their story's weaknesses and strengths realistically and independently; then use that knowledge to make the story even better and even closer to perfection. In the end, you have to be your own worst and best critic; you have to best judge of good and bad advice even from you own head or from another person's mouth.
In practice, taking criticism involves putting personal feelings and dreams in the back burner; with logical calculation, you wave personal insults aside and interpret the foundation of their advice and then describe the support they give that the advice is warranted. Does it seem like something you suspected? Does it make sense? Take note of it and wonder on it later, about what to do with what you learned.
The advice may seem cold-hearted, but this is the method that works for me.
I hope this is helpful to you.
gailcarsonlevine says:
From the website:
thanks Gail, I'll look forward to your post! And thanks Bluekiwii, that's already good advice!
Ella
gailcarsonlevine says:
More from the website:
Can't post on the blog…
I really like the prompts!
@F- I agree. My characters often turn out like me and react like me. I think it can be a problem if all of your characters are the same but I think it's fine otherwise. It makes them realistic.
@Ella- Remember that these people want to help you- they aren't thinking 'Oh I hope this sucks, I hope she doesn't do well.'. I heard this at dance and it really helps me when I dance and when I write. I agree with Bluekiwii too.
welliewalks –
gailcarsonlevine says:
From the website: I adore Writing Magic! It has got to be the most useful book I have ever read (and probably the most fun!) In fact, a particular chapter of it has inspired a story and therefor, a problem:
I read chapter 10, "Suffer!" and it sparked my imagination. I began what is now a fifty page (and counting!) story with 5 MC's who literally go from bad situation to worse as the story progresses. There are no happy spots. It will end happily, but that will be the only nice thing – which leads me to my question: how much suffering is too much? Right now my MC's want to lie down and die – that can't be good, can it?
Emma
gailcarsonlevine says:
Also from the website:
I tried to post this the other day, but I don't think it worked, so I'll try again:
I wrote this novel, but I don't think there's a genre for it. It’s partly science fiction, set in the real world, high-action, and a bit of a romance. I don’t think there’s target audience for it because it’s such a strange mix. How do you know what your target audience is and should I make it less broad spectrum? Thanks!
Lexi
gailcarsonlevine says:
Emma–It's hard to tell from your description, but it sounds like a few happy spots would help. They might even deepen and intensify the suffering when it comes.
Lexi–Your job is to write the story you want to tell. An agent's job is to sell it to a publisher, and an editor's job is to figure out who the readers are likely to be. But, meanwhile, the combination you describe seems to me to have wide appeal, and that's good.
Mya says:
First off, thank you for answering my question!=)
I haven't written in such a long time, its actually rather embarrassing. But when I picked up my pen today, it felt brilliant, beyond words. (Now that feels like a pun.:))
It is great to have a question that has particularly bothered me answered. I suppose I agree with April, but perhaps I've been too cautious.
Thank you very much for answering my question Mrs Levine! My head feels less muddled, regarding this subject.=D