Clarity

Before I start, I may be late with the blog over the next few weeks. Those of you who’ve looked at my website have seen our dog Baxter, who died in December. I didn’t mention this when it happened, because it was sad and I was sad. But now we have a new puppy, eight-week old Reggie. When things calm down, my husband will post pictures on the website, but now it’s puppy all the time and I’m having trouble getting anything done. We think he’s going to be worth it.

On January 21, 2011, Susan Lee wrote, Do you have any tips on writing. As in making sure people who read it will understand what you wrote?

Unless you’re writing experimental fiction, clarity is the primary objective, ahead of plot, characterization, setting – any of the elements of story telling. Clarity isn’t even an element! It’s the air a reader breathes.

Being clear doesn’t mean we can’t be complex. We can suggest something that will be more fully explained later. Our reader doesn’t have to understand what we intend at exactly the moment we suggest it. Realization can be delayed. Mysteries delay understanding constantly. That isn’t lack of clarity, that’s simply interesting storytelling.

But we don’t want to confuse the reader accidentally, and we can do so especially effectively by making technical mistakes. In dialogue, for example, the reader needs to know who’s speaking, and this isn’t the place to delay understanding. Each speaker should have her own paragraph, along with any body language. When two people speak in a single paragraph, even if the speech is attributed (using said or asked or the like), the reader has to work too hard.

You don’t always have to attribute speech. If only two people are present, you don’t need to name the speaker every time. In fact, you shouldn’t or the writing won’t flow. But don’t wait so long that the reader has to go back and count, as in, that was June speaking, now it’s Jake, June, Jake, June, Jake, June. Ah, Jake said this. I hate that.

I’ve written about dialogue in more detail in previous posts and in Writing Magic, so I won’t repeat it all here, but dialogue often makes the reader muddled.

So do loose pronouns. If I write, The food was overcooked and everybody was arguing. It made me sick. the reader doesn’t know what it refers to – the meal or the arguing or both. And sick is vague, too, although it’s not a pronoun. Heart sick or stomach sick? Explaining in later sentences helps, but being specific from the beginning is even better.

When two men or two women are together in a scene, or two distinct groups are together, clarity can be hard to achieve, as in, Jack waited an hour for Justin to show up. When Justin finally arrived he was very angry. Well, who was angry? Jack for having had to wait or Justin for some other reason? And yet When Justin finally arrived Justin was very angry. sounds terrible. What to do?

Recast it. Jack waited an hour for Justin to show up. New paragraph. Justin entered the restaurant pale with anger. “If I have to sit through another three-hour meeting about the wording of a mission statement, I’m going to…” No confusion.

In A Tale of Two Castles the dragon character makes the pronoun business easier. Masteress Meenore is an IT because dragons rarely reveal their gender, so IT can be in a scene with a male character and a female character and, unless another dragon is present, confusion is impossible, and since IT is capitalized IT can’t be confused with an inanimate object, like a bowl of soup or a shoe.

Finnish, I’m told, has no masculine and feminine pronouns. A man is an it and a woman is an it. I don’t know if this creates a problem for writers writing in Finnish, but I’m told it makes translation difficult, and examples of sentences like the one above, When Justin finally arrived Justin was very angry. are sometimes unavoidable.

The Elements of Style by William Strunk and E. B. White is a slim book about style and English usage. For a guide to clear writing it can’t be beat, in my opinion. I recommend it for middle school and above. Children of any age can read it, but I don’t think it will be helpful at a much younger age.

It’s a good idea to make friends with an English usage book. Usage means the way a word is used, and a usage books explains how a word should or shouldn’t be used. The usage issue that gets me into trouble every time is the difference between take and bring. The examples that a usage book provides makes me understand for at least five minutes. Often – almost universally – people misuse lay and lie, a pet peeve with me. I’ve recommended Garner’s Modern American Usage before. Some readers on the blog are reading from outside the States, and you may find Fowler’s Modern English Usage more helpful. Usage books are arranged alphabetically, dictionary-style, a cinch to figure out.

Misplaced or wrong punctuation can also make trouble for the reader. A book has been written on this subject, which I confess I haven’t read. I know it’s for adults, but I can’t assess the level. Still, it might be worth picking up: Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation by Lynne Truss. If anyone reading this post has read the book, I’d welcome your comments.

In A Tale of Two Castles there is what seems like an addition mistake. (If you read the book see if you can find it.) The people who were recording the audio version called me to ask if they should change it. I panicked because it’s too late to fix the book, and I told them to make the correction. Then I emailed my editor, and she said I had made the mistake intentionally to provide a little subtext between two characters, and she had noted it in one of her edits and she likes it and hopes I won’t change it for the second printing. I thought, Whew! At least we all know how to count. But, alas, I don’t remember what I intended. So that’s muddiness I inflicted on myself. I guess the lesson is to try to know what you’re doing!

Loose pronouns and sloppy usage and incorrect punctuation are micro problems, but there can be macro ones as well. If I’m reading and I can’t see where the characters are in the setting I get confused and start having trouble following the plot. When I’m writing and the locale is complicated, I often draw a chart. Sometimes I worry that including setting slows down the action, but we have to put it in, although we probably want to establish the place before a crisis hits.

Too many subplots can make a story hard to follow and even dull. My husband and I started out as fans of the TV series Lost, but when back stories and new directions started to pile up, we both lost track and stopped caring. We never watched the last season.

When characters abruptly switch their natures I feel at sea and I don’t know what the author intends. In general, character is particularly tricky because everybody sees people differently. A few years ago, one of my critique buddies was writing a family story. She thought the mother was loving, but I saw her as harsh. I was able to point out why, and she softened the mother’s interactions with her daughter. I’ve mentioned in other posts that I sometimes have trouble making my main characters likable even though I want them to be. I’ve needed my editor to point out the spots where my main is unsympathetic.

So it often helps to have other eyes on a story or just on passages that you think may not do or say what you want them to. I’ve written about writers’ groups in other posts, but for getting clarity all you really need is  a good reader who can say where he got confused.

Speaking of confusion, life with a puppy is full of it. I don’t know what he wants, what he needs, what would be best for his growth into a happy, responsive dog. Sometimes he might as well be a Martian for all I understand him. So for the prompt, an alien encounter. Your main character seeks out another creature, could be a Martian or an elf or a dog, whatever. Each needs something from the other, but they don’t speak the same language, or maybe they do but the cultures are so different the meaning is quite different. They may not even think the same way. Write their meeting and their attempts to get what they want. See if you can work the story around so they are able to figure each other out, but don’t make it easy.

Have fun and save what you write!

16 Responses on “Clarity”

  1. Q says:

    Eats, Shoots, and Leaves is very funny and very clear about what is correct and what isn't–just make sure you're clear about what rules are American and which are British. I also can't remember if it's appropriate for ALL ages.

    Another good, readable, sassy reference is Grammar Snobs are Great Big Meanies.

    My very favorite thing, though, is the Chicago Manual of Style. I've never tried to access it off my college network, and I don't know if you need a proxy to access it, but try to find it here.

    You can do searches whenever you're unsure of a grammar rule and learn lots of interesting grammatical distinctions.

  2. Rose says:

    I LOVE Eats, Shoots, and Leaves. The author has a perfectly hilarious way of teaching the bare rules of grammar.
    I can't think of anything in it that would render it inapropriate for kids, but I haven't read it for a while… can't imagine there's anything a middle-schooler couldn't handle.

    Not as funny but still dryly entertaining – and VERY useful – is Strunk and White's The Elements of Style.

  5. Mya says:

    Another perfectly timed post. I needed this badly to sort out my current story. We're also doing a short story assignment for school, and I think clear writing would really matter in a narrative with a limited amount of words.

    I absolutely detest the character personality switch problem, so I try my very best to avoid that problem in my own writings. It seems to be more frequent in tv shows than anything else, which is odd seeing the long run is supposed to show the developments of the characters.

    I think I'll have to check out Eats, Shoots and Leaves from all the praise here.=D

    I'm so sorry about Baxter, Mrs Levine. I'm sure he's happy where he is. I don't have any pets, (my parents are afraid of them) sadly, but I do understand how its like to lose a loved one.

    But its great to hear about Reggie! maybe you could write an interesting twist on "How to care for your puppy' manual someday.;)

  6. Grace says:

    This was a great post to adress something I have a problem with-grammar. Grammar is one thing I really need to get better at. I have resigned myself to the fact that I just need to go out and get a copy of "The Elements of Style". It's good to know that a lot of people seem to like Eats, Shoots, and Leaves; I may have to check it out. Luckily, I've gotten a (little) bit better at grammar and usage over the years(hopefully it won't be long until my skills reach satisfactory level :).

    @ Ms. Levine, it's great to hear you got a new dog(I'm sorry about Baxter, though). Just wondering, what kind of dog is Reggie?

    Thanks, Ms. Levine, and happy St. Patrick's day everyone 🙂

  7. Angie says:

    Thank you again! I intend to check out the books you mentioned, I could definitely use a refresher.

    I am currently relating to the problem of having multiple characters of the same gender in a scene together. I have an ensemble of seven female characters who are often together all at once and it can become very confusing trying to describe the scene without constant use of the characters' names (so as not to confuse with the pronouns "she," "her" etc.),even within the same sentence.

    Do you, Ms. Levine, or other readers, have suggestions for making it flow without completely changing the scene, or have I just gotten myself into a knotty situation that needs to be undone?

  8. Charlotte says:

    I'd suggest just having short paragraphs that just say what one character is doing/saying. That way, you can say her name near the beginning of the paragraph, and then when you say "she", you readers will know you're still talking about the same person. I don't know how well this idea would actually work in practice, though; I just kind of thought of it on the spot…

  9. Megan says:

    I really enjoyed this post, as a bit of a self-confessed grammar freak!

    Speaking of American/British rules, I come from Northern Ireland and definitely write 'colour', 'pyjamas' and 'theatre'. If I were to submit to an American agent, would I have to change all these to American spellings?

  10. gailcarsonlevine says:

    Grace and others who've commented–Thanks for the condolences for Baxter. Reggie is also an Airedale, just turning nine weeks old, weighs about eleven pounds. Eventually he should be about fifty.

    Angie–If all seven are together in a scene, I'd suggest focusing on just two or three, maximum four.

    Megan–I don't think you have to Americanize your spelling. The publisher will do that.

  11. Wendy says:

    This is a major problem of mine! I find it helpful to remember that the reader doesn't know anything until you tell them. At the same time, you have to balance this with only telling them things they need to know. It's hard to hit the mark, but this was definitely helpful.

  12. Young Man Winter says:

    I am a huge fan of your books, especially The Two Princesses of Bamarre. I'm glad to finally contact you, but about the grammar: I've heard of Eats, Shoots, and Leaves, but not read it. I have read On Writing by Stephen King, and your own Writing Magic (both excellent). I've read part of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Writing Well, and sections of The Elements of Style.

    I, too, am sorry about Baxter.

    Best wishes,
    Danny

  14. Devon says:

    Hi Gail,
    I am a huge fan of your writing and read "Ella Enchanted" and "Fairest" each at least once a year. At present I am a film student at Chapman University, in one of my classes I have to look into the rights of one of my favorite books. I chose "Fairest". I have been told they are available, but the people in charge of letting me know will not give me a base price for what the rights may be optioned for.

    As it is, I was hoping that speaking to you directly (even if it is just to comment on your blog) could be a way to circumvent this issue, as the biggest part of my project is actually getting a base price.

    Just because I am film student does not mean I don't actually have interest in the rights, in the contrary I have an exceptional amount of interest. I am also taking an adaptation class and have chosen to use "Fairest" as my spec script. I would be more than happy to send you a copy of the final draft if you would be interested.

    This being said, I would not be opposed to one day possibly optioning the rights and trying to get the script made. I am staying true to the story, as I was mildly put off by just how clearly unlike the book the film for "Ella Enchanted" was. They were both good, but they were not the same story, and not even all of the characters were the same. My version of "Fairest" will be a true retelling, as I believe it should be.

    But to come back to my conclusion, if you would be interested in getting in touch with me regarding what you would consider your preferable base rate for the price to option the film rights to "Fairest".

    My email address is richt106@mail.chapman.edu I would be more than a little grateful if you would be able to get in touch with me yourself – as it is difficult to go through a third party – to discuss this matter.

    Thank you so much for your time,

    Devon Richtmeyer
    richt106@mail.chapman.edu

  16. Rochelle says:

    Ms. Levine,
    I am currently doing a project for my college English class on fairy tales and their retellings. I feel that fairy tale retellings are becoming a very popular genre, and I am interested in studying them more in depth. Would you be willing to answer the following questions for me briefly and allow me to quote you in my project? Thank you.

    1. What in a fairy tale grabs your attention and gives you ideas for rewriting it?
    2. When retelling a fairy tale, what elements from the original tale do you think must be kept?
    3. Do you feel you are retelling the story or filling in details?
    4. Why do you think we feel such a need to retell the old classic stories?

    Thank you so much for your time. If you are willing and able to answer my questions, my email is rockylrfb@gmail.com.

    Good luck in all your endeavors!

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